On reading your post, the first thing that came to my mind was, “You are born to become someone big! May be a Mathematician, may be a Computer Science graduate or may be something else; whatever you will pursue, you have that promise in you which will definitely make you shine.”
I am saying this because your own words are revealing it. You said, you have interest in learning advanced mathematics. Then you said you have excellent grades, and often obtain maximum grades. Hearty Congratulations! for not everyone is naturally good in a subject like mathematics.
And then this one - “I'm not satisfied with anything less than maximum.”- Hey, that’s the language of a winner! This is the very spirit that takes one to soaring heights, in whatever one ventures into!
So, you have an exceptional personality, which is currently confused, for it has no goal in life.
Not all are made for hard-core academics! During my school days, I had a friend, named Anita, who aImost in every exam, would score full marks in maths, but would fumble in every other subject. The entire school mocked her on the basis of her report-card filled with red lines, barring one subject i.e. maths. However, our School Principal, who was not only intelligent, but very understanding too, personally assessed the depth of my friend’s capabilities in the subject of mathematics. She then called for her parents, and demonstrating their child’s outstanding abilities, urged them to never devalue this diamond that they have in their home. The Principal insisted to groom this little girl under her personal observation; and you bet, under her care, Anita never looked back! She surged way ahead of us, with a single-point focus on the goal that our Principal had lovingly given to her. I think your life too is in the need of a goal! Your immediate goal of course is to complete your studies.
“During classes I'm usually very concentrated and participative” again, it is the sign of an achiever!
In today’s times, people are turning the world upside down in an attempt to improve their concentration power. And here, you have this upside as a God-given gift to you! What more can you ask for? Pull up your socks, put your head down, study well and come through with flying colours👍
To my mind, maybe you like mathematics so much; that no other subject interests you.
This could be the reason why you rarely study, why you don’t like to study and why you lack motivation to study. This is why you cannot pursue your study ‘plans’ and this is why you deliberately waste your time. All your problems seem to be stemming out from the fact that you have a strong dislike for the subjects, at the root of which is that you love maths and nothing else.
But since you are good at maths, it implies, you already have in you the analytical thinking, problem solving skills, good reasoning, and communication ability -qualities that go with maths. So why not tap on these beautiful skills, and apply them for getting yourself to study these subjects once and for all, so that you can complete your graduation and be free from it all. It is just a matter of one or two years, and it will all be over! You will then be a free bird, and can select an occupation of your own choice!
Close your eyes, and for a while think about what you would love to do once you have finished your studies. What is your passion? Think... And once you have a clear picture of it in your mind, set it as your next ‘Goal’. Goal means something you aim for, desire for, something you genuinely like to strive for! It is a wrong arithmetic when you say, “If I have motivation, I will have a goal.” The right arithmetic is, “When you have a goal, motivation comes on its own.” Once you have a mission in mind, you automatically get the energy for it! So do not run after deadlines, run after live goals.
In this short post, you have displayed many signs of how you are uniquely blessed than the rest!
Yet currently, a feeling of inadequacy, a belief that I am lacking something, some kind of discontentment within you, is what is making you think that you are having some big problem.
Just have trust in yourself, and you are ready to forge! Problems are meant to come and go, but you are there to stay. Problems are lifeless, but you are graced with life. So, never give up! Combat problems, find solutions and live life fully. Great people have the power to change the world and they witness the change with their own eyes.
Wishing you loads of good luck, peace and happiness in life. May God always be your guiding light!!!