It is not easy for any child to go through this situation. And yours being only three-year old, one can’t even imagine the kind of confusion that would be going on in his soft and tender mind right now! The situation is bound to be difficult for you and your wife too.
So why not think of getting back together? The questions asked by your little one are clearly indicating his silent wish to see his parents stay involved in his life together. Every child whose parents have separated, has this hidden desire to see his parents reunite, even long years after their separation. So, can’t you put aside your differences for your child's happiness?
What you say is perfectly right - the conflicts among parents have great negative influence on the mind of child. But separation is a far more severe blow for the child. It is certainly hurting your child very badly! You yourself say, your child misses you and wants to talk with you, especially before going to sleep. Separation of parents always means deprivation of love, warmth and security for the child. And hence it has a profound impact on his development; if not now, then very soon.
In every factor of well being – be it socially, cognitively, academically, psychologically, emotionally, and physically - kids from broken families generally lag behind the normal ones; and children between the age of three and eight are particularly vulnerable! Anger, sadness, isolation, loneliness, social difficulties, under performance and various other emotional and behavioral problems are normal and should be expected to manifest soon in such children. Therefore, parents have a crucial role to play in their child's life for his safe and secured future.
The problem between the two of you is not so major that you both together cannot overcome it. What is required is right understanding and a right intention for it! Understanding is like a seed, which you need to nurture with the water of your right intention, to bring about the desired fruits.
You’ve mentioned that you didn't want your arguments to evolve into fights or shouting and stuff. This is a very good intention indeed! But don’t you think your understanding that, ‘it is better if your child has two separated balanced parents’ needs a recheck? If you want to go to Delhi, you need to understand how to get there; you will then reach Delhi without fail. Likewise, if you want to give your child balanced parents rather than the two hating each other, you need to correctly understand how to get there. Why get there as separated parents?
You both are adults. And you claim that your wife is kind and wants good for your son just like you do, but your ways are different. So can’t you both work out the adjustments to fine-tune the manner in which your child can be brought up well? Is it so difficult? Not for the two of you at least, given the fact that none of you have, after separation, tried to malign your child’s innocent mind by filling in anything negative for each other. This is a very positive virtue. Moreover, you are already adjusting to this difficult situation. Eg. You interact with your child through skype being in the same city, you adjust to the fact that you get to see your child only once a fortnight. Why not sort out difficulties by taking adjustments to cope up with the challenges that arise owing to staying together, then?
Come, let us apply right understanding now!
Separation can also do wonders in bring you together forever, because when away from each other, it gives us an opportunity to do an impartial review of the events that led us to this day today. If you both, for the sake of your child, choose to do an honest introspection, you both will realize your mistakes - where you knowingly or unknowingly misunderstood your partner, you overlooked his / her perspectives and priorities; you failed to communicate with your partner directly and openly; where you were quick in losing your temper but slow in understanding your partner’s difficulty.
With a positive mind set, try to persuade your partner to do this exercise jointly but individually, in the interest of your child. Pray to God asking Him for strength to be able to see your own mistakes. Realizing our mistakes and heartily repenting over them internally before God, helps not only wash off our mistakes but also mends our relationship, without any external effort. Once you have this realization, it will be easy for both of you to forget and forgive each other for whatever’s gone wrong in your relationship so far, and it will enable you to make a fresh beginning on the foundation of love, peace and harmony. This will be in the best interest of all the three of you!!
Yet, if you are sure to remain separate, make sure that your child always knows that both his parents love him very dearly, and both his parents are always there for him whenever he needs them. Wishing you good luck!