How to make toddler stay in his own bed at night

Question

We have a 2 and a half year old who has started sleeping in a bed a few months ago instead of a cot. Over the past few weeks we're experiencing some issues and we're out of ideas.

The night always starts out like this: we put him to bed, then when we come to bed find he's already gone and moved himself to our bed. We move him back, then a few hours later the shennanigans begin:

He gets out of bed and carrying his pillow, a few choice toys, his comfort toy and dummy and coming to our room and just opening the door and standing there wanting to come and sleep in our bed.

When we take him back and explain he has to sleep in his bed he tries to make you stay with him as long as possible. I have tried asking what is wrong, he sometimes says things like there's a shark under his bed or whatever. We've illuminated his bedroom since he wants the light. But he still doesn't want to stay in his bed. He'll repeat this every night every 5 minutes or so until one of us firmly tells him he has to stay in bed. Then he'll stop coming to our room and just go downstairs and sleep on the couch. We've tried sweet talking him and patting his cheek to sleep, reading him stories, looking under his bed for sharks and cows finding none, turning some of his lights off, some sleep music.

Is this normal and what else can we try?

Answer 1

Have you tried just repeatedly taking him back to his room each time, but not engaging with him in any way overnight? So pick him up and take him back to his bed, but don't talk or try to reason with him. It's sleep time and he needs to learn to understand that. This method reinforces the idea that there's no point in coming into your room, he will always get the same response which is a simple move back to his room. He gets no attention and none of your time. It quickly becomes pointless to him.

You can encourage him during the daytime with a sticker chart, so if he stays in his own bed he gets a sticker and after some stickers he gets a treat.

Answer 2

In my experience bribing does wonders (you can have that if you promise to..., and if you break promise, we'll take it away). Also, 2.5 years is capable of understanding that he's a big boy and big boys sleep alone. Rewards system is also great. It definitely worked for our child and it took hold quickly.

Do not be afraid that somehow it will be a habit. It will take a loooong time until this will be a real problem for your child.

We're bribing our 4-year old shamelessly (admittedly, with small things like Kinder-surprise etc), and it is working. Good part is that you just really have to start and keep it up until it becomes habit (a month at most) and then it's just habit.

Answer 3

You might think this is less than ideal, but I sleep in my nearly 3 year old's room, while my husband sleeps in the same room as the baby. Maybe after he realises you are staying he will stay in the bed until he sleeps. She did wake up screaming one night when I first did this — I think she didn't realise what was in her room and it scared her.