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This past Christmas while friends were visiting one used my computer. They left their social media logged in and I noticed a picture of my ex along with a few other old friends. I click the picture and see my ex and her 3 children. It's obvious to me 1 doesn't look like the other 2.

I ask a close friend to see if he could have her call. It's been about 15 or 16 years since we last talked, But she calls. We talk for a few hours and then I ask about the child. She is a young adult almost 23 years old. I ask if her and her husband ever got a paternity test. She says no and informs me they have been divorced for about 2 years. I ask her could I get one to know if I'm the biological father. She says no.

I feel devastated. Not knowing is gut wrenching. Friends that I have know for over 20 years all suggest I let it go, but how does a person do that? For the past 2 weeks this not knowing has consumed my mind and all I can think about is trying to figure out how to obtain an answer. I can't just walk up to this young woman and ask "Hey I think I maybe your Biological father wanna get a DNA test?"

This hurts. The situation sucks.


I guess my question is. Should a man in my situation pursue obtaining a paternity test at this stage in this young woman's life?

Does the fact that my ex is divorced help or hurt my desire to find out if I am this young woman's father?

Does the potential harm of finding out your father is not your biological father out weigh learning about your biological father?

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put on hold as unclear what you're asking by SomeShinyObject, Anne Daunted, Stephie, anongoodnurse 2 days ago

Please clarify your specific problem or add additional details to highlight exactly what you need. As it's currently written, it’s hard to tell exactly what you're asking. See the How to Ask page for help clarifying this question. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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    Welcome! Please help us understand what exactly you want from us (hint: we’re not a place to vent or to ask for sympathy, although we feel you pain and confusion) by giving us a clear question. How to Ask should help you understand the site better. You can always edit your post. As it currently written, it’s “unclear”, which means that your post can be put on hold and, if you don’t clarify, closed. – Stephie Jan 13 at 10:39
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    Hi and welcome to Parenting.SE! Please don't ask multiple distinct questions at once, but only one question. Your first question (paternity test) is off topic, since it's primarily opinion-based. The second one (her divorce) is unanswerable, since we do not know her. Regarding the third question (potential harm), did you search for previous questions? This one for example, might be helpful. – Anne Daunted 2 days ago
  • This "child" is now an adult. She never knew you as a parent. It would be awkward and unnecessary. You need to just move on. – SiXandSeven8ths yesterday

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