My ability to help in this situation is limited because of the fact that the 5 year old I'm asking about is my fiancée's son. I have been with her now for 3 years and have been the male figure in this young man's life since he had just turned 3. I've always respected my fiancée and her ability to raise her son.
She has expressed to me her want for me to have more of a role helping her discipline him, because she is having a hard time always being the one to hand down punishment when he is bad. His father lives a state away and has him for 2 weekends a month. He is a good guy and for the short amount of time he has him he is a good father but is also limited to what he can do due to his limited exposure to him. Specifically the bad behavior I'm talking about includes
- Swearing when he hurts himself or is really angry.
- Yelling and talking back to his mother telling her NO constantly when she asks/demands he do or not do something.
- Overly aggressive even mean to the cat after being told constantly how this is absolutely unacceptable and mean.
- Lying and not just white lies he makes up things all the time he lies about doing or not doing things even when we tell him that if he's lying and we find out he will not be able to go somewhere fun that week or he will lose a game etc. He sticks to his lie after repeated attempts to give him a out.
- He's aggressive towards other kids at school and on the playground not in a bully kind of way more like he has a problem understanding personal space and boundaries.
- Doing things he knows he shouldn't be doing right in front of us without any regard to us being there almost in a taunting way blatantly expressing that he doesn't fear any potential backlash.
- Lastly he is incredibly lazy and has no want to do much of anything especially chores or work (I understand that most 5 year olds have little or no desire to do chores or work but this is not only a lack of desire but has no willingness to even try to do anything like work or chores around the house.)
This is a small list of the things that happen on a daily basis. His mother is a great mom and given the resources she's had available to her these last 5 years has done a amazing job raising her son. I just think she's gotten overwhelmed by a consuming fear of being labeled a "bad mom" because of the actions of her son.
He is an only child and very spoiled though his mother has a loud bark it is followed with little or no bite. Her son has the ability to manipulate her and guilt trip her by crying and throwing outrageous tantrums whenever and kind of consequences come his way for his actions or he will just flat out refuse. E. g.
Mom: "Go to your room"
Son: "NO!! I will not go to my room!!"
And if she picks him up and outs him there he will either destroy his room scream and pound on the walls or just walk right out of the room. My fiancée is begging me to step up and have a bigger role in disciplining him and helping with his defiant behavior but my mentality screams leather belt dad or wooden spoon if it's mom few slaps of one of those followed by an hour of splitting wood outside doesn't work repeat till it does... however I've heard that times have changed and these options are no longer acceptable.
So please if anyone can shed some light here or give some guidance it would be greatly appreciated.