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My daughter is 8 years old and in grade 3 now. She is such a cute and quiet kid, but she is not sporty. The problem is that at school, no kids want to play with her.

This has been happening since she was in grade 1. When she starts playing with a kid, they will play together for a couple of days, but then the kid will go and play with the other kids instead of with her.

My daughter has told the other kids that she wants to play with them, but they refuse.

I am guessing that she does not have the personality that other kids might like. She is not talkative or sporty, but she is a very nice sweet kid that wants to enjoy playing with the other kids.

We spoke to the school teachers and they asked the other kids to play with my daughter, but that only lasted for a couple of days and then they stop playing with her.

I am really worried she will be bullied when she is a bit older.

I'm not sure what I can do.

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From what you say it sounds like there is something your daughter is doing, or not doing, when playing with other children. Whatever this is, it makes the play not fun for the others, and hence they drift away to do something more interesting.

Can you try to set up a situation where you can eavesdrop on your daughter playing with others? If so then see if you can figure out what the problem is. How does your daughter interact during play? How do her playmates react to this?

You could also try talking to the parents of some of these children. Explain that you are trying to understand the problem, not force their kids to be playmates for your daughter. See if their children have said anything about why they don't want to play with your daughter.

Once you have more information you may be able to see how to help your daughter, or failing that, come back here for more specific advice.

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    Thanks you are right, there must be something she does or does not do.
    – asmgx
    Oct 21, 2018 at 21:38
  • @asmgx Did you ever figure it out?
    – BCLC
    Jun 20, 2022 at 13:49
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    @BCLC it has been years, my daughter is older now. we moved to Canada (were in Australia before) in her new school she managed to make new friends (had some issues though with them). not sure if the age made kids be friends with others easier. but my daughter had this issue (no friends for years)
    – asmgx
    Jun 20, 2022 at 21:36
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This is a very distressing problem to encounter. Unfortunately kids can be kind of cruel, and traits like sweet and nice unfortunately don't necessarily make a child popular.

Trying to get other kids to play with her I don't think will help. A child who isn't welcome in the game is very likely to be bullied.

What I would recommend, would be to try to help her to become more resilient, and help her learn to cope better when other kids refuse to play with her.

Also you could look for other opportunities for her to socialise away from her normal school group. You could look for extracurricular activities she might like. Dance, or art, or music etc. She might be able to find people outside her school who have a similar personality, and won't be bothered that she's not talkative or sporty..

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  • This is pretty much what I'd have answered (without the bullying part. Who knows what causes that!) Also, arrange for one-on-one play dates.
    – anongoodnurse
    Oct 19, 2018 at 2:46
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    +1 for extracurricular activities. My eldest was painfully shy in primary school and didn't make any friends so when she said she wanted to try gymnastics, we found her a class. Having that common interest with the other girls in the class gave her a good starting point to strike up a conversation which led to other things.
    – Stephen
    Oct 19, 2018 at 8:28

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