I would like to know whether there is any kind of difference between the bonds developed between a parent and a child of the child is biological rather than adopted. Is the relationship, on either of both ways, stronger in the first case?



It may depend on the age of the child when adopted, but I think it probably doesn't matter.

In my experience the bond between a parent and child depends on how that parent treats that child.

If you love and care for them, give them time and attention, they will respond positively and your relationship will strengthen.

My eldest is not genetically mine, but I am his dad in every other way.

His mother was pregnant when we met. I got involved in the pregnancy as the father, I was there for the birth and I've been there for him ever since.

28 years later, I have two other children (now adults) and the relationships between me and all three of them is the same; a strong, loving relationship, based on mutual trust and respect.

Don't worry about it; Love & care for your adopted child; give them your time and attention and your relationship will be good.


Of course, there will be some differences between having a biological versus step child, but it is perfectly acceptable to try and build a strong and healthy bond with both. The resource I've been using to try and answer your question is this book: https://www.amazon.com/How-Father-Fitzhugh-Dodson/dp/0451154363 which is great for parents of all genders, and although outdated can be very well adapted for the 21st century.

Meaningful and long-lasting relationships and secure attachments between us and others are built, established and maintained over time. Relationships are also by no means static. They can (and will) change and are influenced by time, experiences and life and developmental stages.

With both parents and step parents there are going to be moments where a parent will have to adapt to a child's growing personality. Obviously, there is a clear difference in when the adjusting happens, as for biological parents this starts at conception.

Children love (biological) parents, period. It isn’t decided; it’s automatic and deeply felt, whilst love for a stepparent has to be nurtured, tested and retested, and is ultimately a choice (for both the child and the stepparent).

Many of my friends are step parents, and I have heard constant moaning from them that they don't think their step children love them, only to be replaced by pure joy when the child says, "I'm glad you're my step mom, I love you". These responses, though, took years of defining their relationship, building appropriate boundaries, and testing interacting personalities.

Overall, it is clear to see, that putting the differences aside, blended families and traditional ones can have almost the same kinds of bonds with their children. I wish you, and anyone else who is setting out on this journey the best of luck.

(Quotes are not taken from the book, but contain similar information taken from this: http://www.steppingthrough.com.au/relationship-difference/)

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    You have used "of course there will be some differences" and "obviously there is a clear difference" as fact, but unless you have reputable evidence, I don't think you can report them this way. Please provide links to studies where this is proven. – Rory Alsop Jan 6 '19 at 23:11

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