2

Fake names, so it's easier to understand:
My son: Bob
My son's girlfriend: Alice
My best friend's son: Chester

They're all 18 and 19. Bob and Chester aren't friends.

My best friend told me about the first time Alice slept with Chester, he confessed to her. She said that Alice and Chester have been liking each other and have been seeing each other. They've been having sex for 8 months now. I'm not sure as how to deal with this as I don't want Bob and Chester to end up fighting, because Chester is stronger than Bob.

I've been looking the other way this whole time but should I get involved?

  • 3
    Not an answer, but considering STDs, I probably would speak up. And encourage my child to get tested. – Stephie Sep 24 '18 at 21:46
  • Can you edit your question to make it clearer who did what? At the moment all the "he", "she", "him" and "her" make it difficult to figure out. – Paul Johnson Sep 25 '18 at 6:50
  • 1
    Hi and welcome to Parenting.SE! I edited your question, introducing fake names, so it's easier to understand who did/does what. I hope you are okay with it and I got it right. Feel free to edit your question yourself (see the edit button in the lower left corner of your post). – Anne Daunted GoFundMonica Sep 25 '18 at 13:29
  • 5
    Have you considered making your profile on this website a little more anonymous? Here you are on the internet talking about your son's very-personal problems with what I'm ready to believe is your real name. This question is on the first page of google hits for "<your name> son". – jez Sep 25 '18 at 16:19
  • 3
    I hope that is not your real name or picture. Children don't come to this site much but parents do. To have this get out would be very embarrassing for your son. – paparazzo Sep 25 '18 at 18:44
10

I'd let your son know this girl is Bad News, and why, and advise him to drop her like a hot iron. This girl is not worth fighting over. He should also get tested for STD's and treated if necessary.

I'd suggest a setting where, if he's likely to fly off the handle, he'll be forced to cool down and think things through. After that, it's really his problem how he handles it.

  • 2
    Good answer. I’d also add to be totally open and supportive for however your son reacts. I was cheated on when I was 19, and the primary emotion was embarrassment and feeling like everyone thought I was a fool. The pain and the upset was exquisite. He should definitely drop her, but he might need lots of support in dealing with the pure emotional reaction that comes with this. – dgo Sep 25 '18 at 15:07
7

Whilst all these answers are arguably just opinion-based, my advice would be to sit down with his girlfriend and simply say either she tells your son, or you do. Hopefully she has the decency to admit it to him herself, so you can stay well out of it.

If she refuses to tell him, I would suggest sitting your son down and saying that Alice's parents only just told you, I'd emphasise you don't know if it is true or not but you felt he had a right to know.

As for whether they end up fighting, you know your son better than any of us. I'd warn your son not to do anything stupid, that Alice made a choice but that it is her loss. She clearly has issues.

Think of it this way - the longer the relationship continues the worse the outcome is going to be. I'd advise him to cut all contact to both of them. It's the ONLY way he can begin to put this behind him.

  • Nice answer! Looking forward to reading more of them. :) – anongoodnurse Oct 7 '18 at 23:43
5

The beef is not between Bob and Chester. This is about Bob and Alice. If you tell him enforce this is not about Chester. This is a decision Alice made.

As for telling him. I know a friend of mine was cheated on his senior year of high school and was mad that he was not told. Many of his friends knew it was happening.

1

I think it may be easier for your kid if you don't get involved at least at the beginning let him know maybe in an indirect way by telling someone to tell him that she is cheating on him. For your son it will be uncomfortable that you tell him this. Then after he knows it you should tell him that few people told you that and that "a lot" of people know Alice's "bad reputation" so you go ahead and tell him to forget about her or search for someone else. I'm 21 and that would be better from my age's point of view, but you should not talk with Chester's parents.

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