I observed a couple and their 6 years old daughter who reveals their family matters outside. As it can happen with anyone including me, I was looking for your opinion to handle it better.

The family I'm talking about are so generous. But their neighbor take the advantage of that. They borrow small things (like craft materials) from the couple and either not return it or damage it. The worst thing is they send their kids to borrow things. However, now the couple has started denying on few things by mentioning that they don't have it.

Unfortunately, their daughter reveal this thing outside. And the couple feel embarrassed. They've explained a plenty of time to their daughter not to do this. But she repeats.

What should we do in this situation?

  • 2
    If it is not your child then I think the best answer is "nothing". It's their problem, not yours. Sep 16, 2018 at 9:13
  • Perhaps I can suggest them the solution. Or who knows if another day I face the same problem. Sep 16, 2018 at 10:36
  • 4
    The couple can avoid the embarrassment by being honest and just saying "no".
    – pojo-guy
    Sep 16, 2018 at 12:30
  • It would seem the daughter has more sense than the parents. If the neighbours take advantage of their generosity, there's no reason not to tell them.
    – gnasher729
    Sep 23, 2018 at 22:31

2 Answers 2


From what I've read, children of that age simply cannot understand what "private" means. They are also constantly told by adults that lying is bad, but then see the same adults telling lies.

The only options are to avoid letting the children see the lie, or to tell the truth and accept the consequences.

  • 1
    My aunt used to say "Never tell a secret to a child". They just don't know how to keep them. (Unless there is a threat involved, but that is another situation entirely) If they don't want their business told to the neighborhood they need to make a practice of not discussing it in front of their daughter. Sep 19, 2018 at 15:42

In addition to what @paul-johnson suggested, I've made a game to understand how well my daughter can handle such situations and can improve with each play. This game can be different for different ages.

In this game, we've made 2 families and form the same situation I asked in the question. In my family (My daughter and I), we have a limited number of resources and we have to finish a school project in 3 days. Members of other family come to her and ask for some resources and the game go on based on her response. She wins if she handles everyone properly and finishes the project as well.

I was wondering if I can make some card game for elder kids.

  • What does she handles everyone properly in this context?
    – Arsak
    Sep 24, 2018 at 6:47
  • We check if she can refuse to give needful items without lying, or stop me from lying but try to understand the need of others by asking some questions so that she doesn't deny when someone really needs it and tell others (her mother in this case) the reason of not giving. Her main goal is to complete her project without lying and without being rude. The hidden goal is to improve her ability to understand the situation and people nature. As she is very young for that and we've just started with this practice we allow mistakes and then laugh at our mistakes instead of correcting them. Sep 24, 2018 at 9:28

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