My daughter is now 11 years old, but still asks me to zip her jacket. This really worries me because she can do it herself and is otherwise independent. She even asks me when her friends are around. Her 3-year-old sister zips her jacket for her, which proves to me that she should be zipping her own jacket. Usually, I say no, but if her hands are full or I am in a rush then yes.

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    Can you focus a bit more on what you're concerned about? Are you concerned that your daughter cannot zip her own jacket (can she?), or that she asks you despite being able to? Is your daughter otherwise independent? – Joe Aug 7 at 2:44
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    Perhaps a little good natured ribbing might be appropriate. "Sure, would you like me to tie your shoelaces as well?" – user1751825 Aug 7 at 5:16
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    Kids that age are pretty self-conscious around their peers. Does she ask you to zip her up even when her friends are around? If not, like @user1751825 said, she just probably likes the attention, especially when competing for it with a 3 year old. – learner101 Aug 7 at 5:37
  • I am concerned that she asks me even though she can and, yes, she is otherwise independent. @learner101, yes, she asks me to zip it even when around friends. – Scottish Caitlyn Aug 7 at 22:48
  • When she asks, do you zip it for her? – Remco Aug 8 at 11:40

As long as your daughter 'can' zip her own jacket, I don't think this is anything you need to worry about.

Sometimes my 9 year old wants me to carry her out to the breakfast table in the morning. Of course she can do it herself, but she just likes the attention sometimes.

  • Does she get you to zip her jacket though? – Scottish Caitlyn Aug 7 at 22:54
  • Not specifically that. However she has on occasions asked me to brush her teeth for her, even though she's been doing it herself for years. I think she just likes a little pampering sometimes. – user1751825 Aug 7 at 23:37
  • My sister gets me to do her zip and put the hood up that is all but she is so affectionate too, she gets me to help bath her, read her a bedtime story then tuck her into bed, she also asks me for hugs and cuddles or to sit on my knee if she is feeling sad or bored and when we walk anywhere, my hand is the first she reaches for. So sweet eh :)? – Scottish Caitlyn Aug 7 at 23:42

It might be that your daughter is missing being the "baby" and having things done for her. This might be her way of asking if you love her as much as you love her little sister, who gets her jacket zipped and lots of other things that your daughter used to and doesn't any more. It's hard to grow up, and I'm sure that even adults occasionally look back with wistfulness to a time when we were nurtured and cared for by our mothers.

As long as the behavior doesn't escalate to others, I wouldn't worry. But do remember that although it's easy to start relying on an older child to be independent when you have a younger who needs more care, she is still a child who needs to know that her mother loves her. I'm sure that she does know that, but we all need a little reassurance every now and then.

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