My child is a boy in the 6th grade. Upon entering middle school, he acquired an all new administration and a new Special Ed teacher. At the end of the previous year, I was told by the Superintendent of Special Education I would be notified of any changes. At no time before school began did the principal or new staff reach out to discuss my child's Individualized Education Program (IEP). I took it upon myself 2 days before school started to go and introduce myself and my child and to discuss preparations for his school year.

Long story short, we discussed his behaviors. He has no problematic behaviors but he comes from a family that is very "huggy" and knows to ask for hugs. The Special Ed teacher had a few concerns because of age and thought that it might be inappropriate for a boy to be hugging a girl of 12 to 13 years old, but after reiterating that he knows to ask, she said this was fine. We had an IEP meeting at the beginning of the year. No problems were divulged; as a matter of fact nothing was spoken about it. A few days before his next IEP meeting, she called me on her way home because she had filed a proposed IEP with the behavior modification that he would no longer be allowed to hug but then verbally told me we could change this after rethinking this.

Mind you, at no time did I consent to this due to other children hugging at school and because one of his friends who is a neighbor and in his class hugs him all the time. She did not like that answer, but I told her that unless "no hugging" was school policy then he should be afforded the same rights as everyone else. She said she would modify the IEP and that was fine. 6 weeks later, I found out that she went to his regular teachers and instructed them to instruct all the children in his classes that they were no longer allowed to hug him. She never disclosed this to me. I found out from the children, several of them, that they were not told why, just that it was not allowed anymore.

Not sure if this is discrimination, breach of confidentiality, or what, but I need someone's advice.

  • 3
    So what is the question here? Is it "Is the teacher allowed to do what she did?"? If so, that's off topic here. Only your school could tell you what a teacher is or isn't allowed to do, we can't possibly answer that. If the question is "How do I handle a teacher who, I believe, is doing things against the best interests of my child?" or something similar, that would be ok here.
    – Becuzz
    Jun 18 '18 at 19:55

This sounds very strange, so strange in fact that I think there might be some kind of misunderstanding involved.

I think the only sensible thing to do is to ask for a meeting with her and confront her with what you've told us here. Then see what she says. If she denies it, asking the school administration for a joint meeting might be the way to go. If she doesn't deny it, she'll hopefully give you reasons for her actions, which you can then challenge. A frank face-to-face meeting might also clear up misunderstandings between the two of you.

  • I don't think it sounds strange. The only oddity here is whether the teacher just personally dislikes how touchy this boy gets or whether there have been uncomfortable girls in the class. @Christine should a document everything beforehand (which teachers, which kids, when, sources of info, etc.); b find out the law in her state regarding recording conversations and adhere to them (some allow her to record the teacher's honest initial reaction, some require her to notify the teacher of the recording); and c record and have witnesses at the meeting.
    – lly
    Jun 20 '18 at 3:33
  • If it was just the teacher's own preference mixed with dishonesty, there may be liability... so the story could easily change between that first meeting and the second with the school administration, by which point they'd be getting their ducks in a row.
    – lly
    Jun 20 '18 at 3:36

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.