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My 5-year-old daughter was verbally forced by another 7-year-old girl to show her bottom in daycare.

She told me today about this while taking a bath with me. She doesn't remember when this incident happened.

She told me that three of them were together when no maid or teacher was present in the room. There were small children there.

The eldest (7 years old) verbally forced two other girls to show their bottom. The other two initially refused but then gave in by stretching their panties so that the eldest could have a look.

I asked my kid whether she wants me to complain to teacher about this which may also risk the accused girl not to talk to her. My kid replied yes, I should complain to the madam.

Lately my kid has asked me that "when we grow up do we marry?", "when a boy and a girl get married does a child come out?" I suspect all this is coming from the 7-year-old she is in touch with in the daycare. She isn't in touch with any other older child. At home, there is only her father and me.

Question: How should I take this up with daycare authorities? How should I safeguard my kid from this 7 year old?

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    when you say "verbally forced" did the 7yo threaten the 2 younger ones? Threats of violence or otherwise? This may impact on how far you escalate your complaint.
    – RappaportXXX
    May 16, 2018 at 10:41

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I think you should simply tell the daycare staff what happened. Ask the carer for a quiet word when you pick up or drop off your daughter. The messages you need to get over are:

  • You are concerned, but not angry. Your priority is the safety of your daughter.
  • You trust the staff to deal with the issue in a proportionate manner.
  • You don't believe that this isolated incident has caused any harm (assuming that is true), but you want to ensure that there are no repetitions.

It is also possible that this older girl is doing this kind of thing repeatedly, in which case the staff need to find out about it so that they can take appropriate action.

You might also ask your daughter how often they are left unsupervised; this might actually be a broader concern if they are often left alone for long periods of time, but that would be a separate conversation with the daycare management; don't confuse the two issues by bringing them up together.

Separately, you should also teach your daughter how to respond to such things from other children. Threatening to tell should be effective in most cases.

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