My wife and I sleep in separate rooms because I snore too loud and she can't sleep. When we had our son he started sleeping with her and he still does now that he's 7.

A few years ago we moved to the US, we could only afford a 2 bedroom apartment so the situation continued. We now have to move and I want a 3 bedroom so our son will get his bedroom. But the 3 bedroom apartments in our area are too expensive and if we move to another area that is cheaper then he will go from a top school in the state to a crappy school. The main reason we moved to this area was for the great schools.

Is it terrible that at 7 he sleeps with his mother and doesn't have his own room? Should we get a 3 bedroom apartment so he has his room no matter what? If we get another 2 bedroom apartment to keep his great school, how long can we keep this up? Until he's 8? 9?

  • 1
    Hi, welcome to the site! Are you concerned about your son's mental health and development, or about social consequences, or something else? What about your relationship with your wife - is that a relevant concern here?
    – Joe
    May 11, 2018 at 20:25
  • Both, I'm sure a kid needs his space, his independence, I also don't want him to get bullied for sharing a room with his mother. My relationship with my wife is not a concern.
    – favosys
    May 12, 2018 at 11:35
  • I would also plan for this long-term a.k.a. when he enters adolescence and beyond. Like you already mentioned above: it's important to have space/independence as you grow up.
    – user25657
    May 17, 2018 at 15:29
  • It definitely can't go beyond 9-10. Really the question is is this terrible now and does it need to be taken care of right away or can we give it a year or 2 more.
    – favosys
    May 17, 2018 at 18:35

1 Answer 1


Whether there's anything wrong with a child sleeping with a parent from a development perspective is open to debate, however in the US it's definitely not the norm. It's possible he could get made fun of at school for it, which wouldn't be fun. Mostly he needs his own room so he can be himself, if he doesn't want this now he will soon. Is he going to stand for sleeping with his mom when he's 9, or 10? Probably not, so it would be best to deal with it now before it becomes an issue.

I would suggest if you can't afford a bigger place to deal with the snoring. Most people snore loudest then they're flat on their back, so sew a tennis ball into your pajama top, get a white noise machine and buy a 20 pack of squishy ear plugs for your wife. If you can't resolve it that way go see a doctor, you could have sleep apnea or something that needs to be dealt with.

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