My son is with me 4 or 5 nights per week; with his father the balance. But I see him every day after school regardless (I'm at home with my second baby). I have a good relationship with my ex, and with his partner - and sometimes the four of us with my partner, son and second baby son socialise together e.g. school picnic etc.
The problem is my son misbehaves at our house, but is an angel at his dad's. His dad says it's because we are too soft, fall for the tears, don't follow through. This is true - we are too soft. But even if we are hard and do follow through - no ipad for a week, cancel a play date etc - he is still naughty. He says a "switch goes off in his brain" when he comes to my place and although he tries to be good, he can't.
He isn't horrifically bad - just you know, whines for junk food even after I say no, takes me five times to instruct him before he does something, gets too rambunctuous and after several ignored warnings ends up hurting himself, or the baby or breaking something - that sort of thing. But at the end of a long day, I'm yelling, he's crying, everyone is hot and bothered - and it isn't pleasant at all. And bad role modelling for the baby.
He is quite a sensitive soul, but has loads of energy and often acts before he thinks.
He adores my partner and his little brother and we make sure he still has special alone time with mummy - - and the naughtiness at (solely) our house started about a year before baby came along.
What is the circuit breaker???? Any advice gratefully received!