My husband and I are a second marriage. His son is now 19 but I've known him for almost 6 years. He lives in our home and goes to school full time as well as works part time.
He and his college girlfriend of a year used to come into the house but treated my husband and I like peers, often using disrespectful tones which we do not approve of. After having been in our house a couple of times alone and having sex in our home which we did not approve of we had a talk with our son about rules and respect.
We indicated that they were welcome in the house but that she needed to be out by 10. He later told me that he had talked to her and she planned to come in and talk to us and apologize. This never happened.
It's been almost 8 months ago. Son sometimes spends the night with her in her dorm which we can't do much about. Now they do not ever come into the house together and he doesn't talk to me much any more. He has to be reminded to do chores, eats and runs and doesn't engage with the rest of the family much. They hang out in her car on the side of the road in front of our house and don't come in.
I hate that this relationship is awkward and I am concerned about him bonding with a partner that can't even come in and say hello or talk to us respectfully. It seems like they were pushing the limits for just long enough that the NO was a big annoyance to them. Also, there are two younger siblings in the home. This is a poor example for them.
I am at a loss as to how to repair this relationship with the son now. I don't want to push them together by expressing my dislike of her and this whole situation to him, however, I fear this will be the result of trying to explain how his dad and I feel. I don't like this girl and I don't like that they can't come in and participate, which you would think they would do if they were serious about this relationship long-term.