I’m a 14 year old girl, and I was wondering what I should do if my parents want a divorce?

My parents (50 and 55) have been married for over 20 years. But I’ve noticed some things in the past year or two that put me on edge. Like they’d fight about the smallest things, like “Did you do this yet?” or something along the lines, then they’d fight back and forth because they misunderstood each other (this could be due to the fact that my moms second language is English). This happens every other week or so. Especially when our family goes on vacations, they fight even more.

My dad is more of a guy who plans things way ahead and gets upset and angry if things don’t go exactly his way. My mom is a little more flexible. Though, she just blames people for problems she created a lot of the time.

They both have a narcissistic parenting style. They never really gave my brother or I emotional support, but instead give us financial support, and so they ignore any mental illnesses that I tell them I have, no matter how much I explain. I know this, because about a year ago, our family went out to dinner. My brother told us that he’s depressed because we live in such a rainy place. My dad got angry, and threatened to leave the family. My mom made me swoop in, and fix everything. What if I had told him that I was actually depressed, would he have divorced my mother?

And ever so recently, my brother (16) has been playing video games, and his grades have been dropping. We aren’t supposed to play video games on the weekdays in the first place. My mom and dad have been arguing what to do with him. My mom told me my brother is going to be the reason they divorced. All of 3 of my dads siblings have gotten a divorce, so the signs are not well.

Another problem is, my mom is a stay at home mom, and didn’t finish college so if they divorce, it’s be hard for her to get a job. Because I do not plan on staying with my dad, despite him being the money maker. We disagree on things religiously and politically.

Sorry this is pretty long, any tips on what I should do? Thank you.


This is not really a parenting question. However, I just wanted to assure you that neither you nor your brother are responsible for your parent's choices. They are grown up adults and have been married long enough to understand each others views and differences. Maybe they just enjoy fighting with each other and the threats are mostly idle ones.

Even if the separation happens, it's not something that was caused by your behavior and it's definitely not something you can control. Regarding how to manage the finances if it happens, you are still too young to start working. So your parents would work something out between them while you focus on your studies/hobbies/friends which is more important at your age.

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