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Really worried about my 18 year old, she has a lot of mental health issues due to being adopted. Her mom was abusive physically and verbally and left her alone in a house for the first two years of her life. She struggles with ADHD, RAD which is a reattachment disorder, ODD, depression, anxiety, and has a habit of hoarding things. She hoards things from the dirty diapers I find to food and everything in-between. She's been in therapy her whole life and it hasn't helped anything yet. I don't think punishment will work but I know therapy won't work so I'm not sure what to do.

She doesn't have a medical condition and when I ask her about it she just bluntly states that she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I'll see the diapers in her room and show her and ask her and her answer will be they aren't mine.

Several times throughout the past three years, my daughter has thrown out dirty diapers that I believe she had worn and used. And I tried to let it go, but tonight I walked in on her pooping her pants. She is 18 and is supposed to be starting college in the fall. I'm at total loss of what to do, how to punish her, and what to believe. I'm desperate to find answers.

closed as too broad by Adam Heeg, SomeShinyObject, zugzwang, anongoodnurse Feb 12 '18 at 4:23

Please edit the question to limit it to a specific problem with enough detail to identify an adequate answer. Avoid asking multiple distinct questions at once. See the How to Ask page for help clarifying this question. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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    Honest question (not trying to be mean): Why punish her? What do you hope to accomplish? What lesson will she learn besides hide it better? Find treatment for her in the form of therapy. Don't punish her. – SomeShinyObject Feb 8 '18 at 6:53
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    I agree that punishment is not reasonable at this point. It sounds like there could be a physical or behavioral health issue. Honestly you shouldn't ask internet forums about this, I would suggest starting with her primary care physician or the school counselor. – Adam Heeg Feb 8 '18 at 14:25
  • I feel like i should have posted this better because she has a lot of mental health issues due to being adopted. Her mom was abusive physically and verbally and left her alone in a house for the first two years of her life. She struggles with ADHD, RAD which is a reattachment disorder, ODD, depression, anxiety, and has a habit of hoarding things. She hoards things from the dirty diapers i find to food and everything inbetween. She's been in therapy her whole life and it hasn't helped anything yet. I don't think punishment will work but i know therapy won't work so I'm not sure what to do. – Amy sherer Feb 11 '18 at 21:09
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    If you have had this level of professional help, I'm doubtful there will be help forthcoming from the users of this site. – anongoodnurse Feb 12 '18 at 4:25
  • @Amysherer Your previous comment holds many information that will help the community to understand and answer your question. You can and should edit your question and insert this background information there. (Comments aren't read by everyone or might feet deleted) – Arsak Feb 12 '18 at 9:00
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I'm at total loss of what to do, how to punish her, and what to believe. I'm desperate to find answers.

If I were in your situation, I would be dumbfounded as to how my daughter managed to handle that condition/practice for so long, I really would. And I would be worried for her. But you've known about it for years. Why suddenly panic?

But manage it she did, and she did an extraordinarily good job of it. What do you want to punish her for? For hiding it? For lying to you? For dirtying diapers? For using diapers at all? It's not clear to me.

If she's ready for college, she's an adult, and should be treated like one.

Talk to her about this situation. If someone in college finds out she wears diapers, it could go badly for her (how has she done in high school?) Talk about seeing a gastroenterologist about this problem if it's medical, or a therapist if it's not.

That's where I would start.

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    After reading the question i was not sure if this is a medical condition where she cant help herself and has to put diapers on to minimize the damage or if this is some kind of fetish. – MansNotHot Feb 8 '18 at 13:10
  • I feel like i should have posted this better because she has a lot of mental health issues due to being adopted. Her mom was abusive physically and verbally and left her alone in a house for the first two years of her life. She struggles with ADHD, RAD which is a reattachment disorder, ODD, depression, anxiety, and has a habit of hoarding things. She hoards things from the dirty diapers i find to food and everything inbetween. She's been in therapy her whole life and it hasn't helped anything yet. I don't think punishment will work but i know therapy won't work so I'm not sure what to do. – Amy sherer Feb 11 '18 at 21:11
  • She doesn't have a medical condition and when i ask her about it she just bluntly states that she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I'll see the diapers in her room and show her and ask her and her answer will be they aren't mine. – Amy sherer Feb 11 '18 at 21:11
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First you need to find out why she is doing it. If she's having medical issues or cannot control it, then get her help.

I'm not entirely sure why you are considering punishing her. Perhaps you can explain further?

One possibility is that this is a fetish of hers. I know that there is a diaper fetish where adults will pretend to be babies and engage in acts such as you describe. So that could be it as well. If that's it, then my advice would be to tell her to be clean and careful.

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