How to teach my son to protect himself from other kids?

Question

My son is 30 months old and he is very nice and quiet kid but children take his toys and beat him without saying anything to them. What i need to do to teach him to protect himself and not to cry when they take his toys.

Answer 1

It was common in a bygone era to let toddlers and other young kids play with little supervision as long as the children couldn't escape. This is no longer the case, and more egregious examples are prosecuted civilly by Family Services.

At 2 1/2 years old, there should always be an adult supervising play. If it's a play area in a mall or some such, that person is your partner or you.

If bullying is happening routinely at a daycare, it might be a good idea to change daycare providers. Otherwise, you could investigate the policies of the program and make a list of your grievances. At that point, it's up to the daycare to respond (by contacting the parents of the aggressive child).

My favorite one-liner when "disciplining" someone else's child in similar situations is "Keep your hands to yourself, please." If that doesn't work, it is better to remove your child from the situation rather than confront the aggressive child's parents. Usually, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

Answer 2

Start by teaching appropriate boundaries. Boundaries are the basis of personal safety.

A few examples:

How boundaries relate to abuse (bullying, picking on, etc.):

Boundaries define self. When we have established clear boundaries (bouth our outer skin boundary and our internal inner life boundary), we are more aware of our own rights, have a strong sense of self, and how we deserve to be treated by others. By first respecting ourselves, we are then able to instill respect in others and set limits around how we want to be treated. With clear boundaries, we also have a clearer picture of our own needs and desires, so that we can choose to ask for assistance if we are unable to meet our needs on our own.

Boundaries clarify responsibilities. Clear boundaries help define what we "own;" what we are responsible for. We do not have to take on other people's responsibilities unless we choose to, just as they do not have to take on ours. Wheile it is important to be sympathetic to other people's needs, it is equally important to know our own limitations.

Boundaries give us options. Since boundaries give us ownership, we have control over what happens to us and our bodies. Our choices and options are much broader because we have the right to say whether or not we want something to happen or not to happen.

-- www.childrenscenter.cc

Since we are talking about a 2 or 3 year old, it is meaningless to define or explain the concept of a boundary. This must be a behavioral, functional approach focused on promoting conscious awareness of both one's own boundaries and the boundaries of others.

Modeling is by far the best, and sometimes only, effective method of teaching appropriate behavior of any kind to a younger children, especially toddlers. The best way to model respect for boundaries is to both enforce and respect them with your son (complete modeling). This can be done in many ways and in many natural situations. Any time you dress him change his diaper (if still in diapers), bath him, apply sunscreen, etc., you can demonstrate respect for boundaries by gaining his consent before entering his personal space. Even if the contact or action isn't optional, you can demonstrate respect for personal space and boundaries by telling him what you need to do and why.

The experience of having ones boundaries respected validates and reinforces them, and while enforcing them brings awareness to the boundaries of others and demonstrates that it isn't acceptable to violate them.

Making a game of boundary setting is even better as it makes it fun.

Why are Boundaries Important?

Establishing physical, social and emotional boundaries help us to judge the acceptable and unacceptable in all our social interactions. Without boundaries, our lives and relationships would be chaotic. Establishing healthy boundaries allows people to feel secure and in control of their personal safety.

-- http://www.sccstopchildabuse.org

How Does a young child enforce boundaries?

The simplest, and quite often most effective, way of enforcing boundaries is by forcefully saying "No!". I am often surprised by the impact this can have even from the mouth of a two-year-old (I have one, and he uses that word a lot, often leaving it ringing in my ears). It might not be a coincidence that this is one of the first words children learn.

Regardless of how well or poorly a child reacts to boundary violations, you can't expect a young child to assume responsibility for his own safety. As others have pointed out, that is one of your jobs as a parent. Make sure he is in an appropriate environment, and that your expectations and goals on his personal safety are developmentally appropriate.

Of course there is much more information out there, and you would do well to inform yourself and those closest to you on the subject.