My daughter just turned 12. She is the only child for me and my husband, but we both have other (grown) children from the first marriages. Our daughter is like an angel to us and we love her beyond anything and bought everything for her even before she asked for anything. So it was...
Now the situation is changing and I am not sure what can I do with it. Our daughter is growing fast and entering puberty. Her attitude is changing. At times she is just a kind and loving girl, at other times she is just plain nasty with words and mostly toward me, her mother. She told me that I am overprotective, which I can handle, but at the same time that I am not letting her do anything! I was crying like a child when I heard these words because she has everything she needs and more: her own cell phone, TV in her bedroom, everything she needs for school, homemade breakfast every morning, all the toys, movie DVDs, and much more.
I try to say only nice words to her and encourage her in the most loving ways possible. I almost always respond to her even if I do something else at that moment. I just put whatever I was doing a side for a minute and respond to whatever she has to say or ask. I want her to know that I am here for her. However, I was wondering if this is a good thing at all. I noticed, that if I (very rarely!) ask her to wait for my response, her face changes and her lips become tide. Basically, she does not like to wait. It might be my mistake to be too responsive.
However, I have bigger issue here. My daughter takes everything only yes or no, black or white, and her response to "no" leads to: I am the worst mother of all times, she is controlled by me all the times (!), she is treated like a toddler (?), she does not want to live anymore, etc. As one can understand, the very last statement of her not wanting to live anymore or she would be better off dead scares me most. I talked to my daughter about that, all she was saying that she loves me and dad but she wants more freedom, such as - staying outside even when it turns dark, not being rushed to do her homework, no house chores, unless she decides when she will do them, to remove Parental Control off of her cell phone, and the list goes on.
I am trying to explain in the details on WHY I restrict her "freedom", but she acts like she understands and does not understand at the same time. I would address these and other issues as part of growing up, but it scares me that every time she does not get her way, she talks about not seeing the reason to continue living. On one hand, I think she might be manipulating my fear, but at the same time I am so much afraid that she might do something to herself.