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The charge is a check fraud charge and it is a seven month sentence. My daughter she seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. I told her mom did the wrong thing and is rightfully serving her punishment. They have a good relationship.

The main problem I have is she will see her mom in a jail jumpsuit and see guards and other inmates that could be intimidating. Is that ok for a 15 year old to see? Actually my daughter does not seem scared but instead seems excited and enthusiastic to visit. This is strange to me. Do you find this normal? My daughter seems to find the idea of her mom having to wearing a uniform, sharing a room funny. I wonder why she would think it is funny.

My wife says bring her if she would like to and my daughter says she would like to but I don't know if it is a good idea. She hasn't gone yet so we can still discuss it together.

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    I will assume that your wife and the mum are the same person
    – Tas
    Oct 13, 2017 at 1:59
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    I'd be more concerned with the normalisation effect it would have on your child. For most people, prison is a scary place you see in films; visiting a familiar person in that environment will make it a more normal place; diminishing the deterrent effect.
    – Diego Sánchez
    Oct 13, 2017 at 7:09
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    @DiegoSánchez fear or prison isn't a very good deterrent anyway. Didn't stop the mum from committing fraud either.
    – Erik
    Oct 13, 2017 at 8:11
  • I'm sorry I inadvertently downvoted, can't revert that now unless the question is edited
    – Diego Sánchez
    Oct 13, 2017 at 18:32

3 Answers 3

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If the child was under 10 and/or would be visiting alone, I could see this being a problem, but at 15 (and I assume you would accompany her), I'm sure it's fine. Plus 7 months is a LONG time to go without seeing your mom. Also I don't think you need to worry about your daughter being excited/interested- it's something extremely out of the ordinary for her (I assume). She's bound to be curious.

If I were in your shoes and was feeling this reluctant about letting my daughter see her mom, I'd have to ask myself whether I was subconsciously angry with the MOM, and trying to further punish her for breaking trust with me by not letting her see her daughter. Just something to think about.

In terms of what's best for your daughter, as long as it's safe, I think it is best for her to get to see her mom.

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The child is 15. She's old enough to handle the experience, and it's important to both your SO and your daughter to see each other. It would be quite punitive not to.

As a life lesson, who could wish for more? Surely honesty is a better policy, but that a bad decision has direct and unpleasant consequences is about as strong as it gets in your circumstances. Your daughter would benefit greatly from this as well.

Good luck. This will be hard for everybody.

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As we all learned in Orange Is The New Black, prisons aren’t all bad. There’s a often a strong sense of community. Given the choice, even as an adult, what would a daughter choose - to be hid away from reality, and not see the one who birthed her - or have a great time seeing some pretty cool women that have it going on?

I think it’s perfectly healthy to visit a convicted mother, both for the mother and the daughter. And the mother will never stray from the path of good parenting again.

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