My partner is pregnant with my child. We were doing homework on the couch with her twelve year old daughter. All was going well when she started hitting her mother and then hit her mildly in the stomach.

I didn't react other than saying you shouldn't do that. I am concerned she might have hurt the fetus like that. The fetus is three and a half months old.

I am also concerned she might be doing that when I'm not there. My partner may not be saying anything to me to relieve the pressure.

Her daughter and son sometimes say they don't want this child we wanted.

What should I do, as a father?

  • 1
    have you tried talking to them about what having a kid means to them? (Especially how it DOEN"T mean that they won't get any attention anymore)
    – Batavia
    Commented Oct 9, 2017 at 18:50
  • 1
    Welcome to Parenting.SE! The answer to how well a uterus can protect its occupant is answered by this question (link), and also this one (link). You should also ask a doctor if you're concerned the fetus was harmed. But, this isn't an exact duplicate, I'm going to curate answers so they focus on the older child's behavior.
    – Acire
    Commented Oct 9, 2017 at 19:25
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    Actually, this question may be a duplicate -- it's about a much younger sibling, but the same conversation ("play more gently now") can be had at any age.
    – Acire
    Commented Oct 9, 2017 at 19:34
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    This won't answer your question, but you worrying that more may be happening when you are not watching, and that your partner may not talk about possibly dangerous things happening is raising all kinds of red flags to me. Have the two of you talked about the incident, about how it makes you feel, how it makes HER feel? gut-feeling tells me something may be off there; I MAY be overly sensitive here, though, because I myself have a VERY hard time sharing my worries, and am actively trying to work though that issue.
    – Layna
    Commented Oct 11, 2017 at 12:21
  • Put her in a timeout every time she hits someone. If you don't know how to do that, there are many books that talk about it and there are several TV shows that cover that topic: Super Nanny, Nanny 911, Super Nanny UK, etc. Hopefully, that will teach you how to avoid some of the mistakes parents make when they use timeouts. Also, make sure she completes her homework, otherwise she may use getting timeouts as a homework-avoidance strategy. Commented Oct 24, 2017 at 4:08

1 Answer 1


Her child is twelve years old and still hitting people? This wasn't play fighting or something like that?

Honestly, I think she needs counseling. She shouldn't be hitting anyone at that age, period. Some toddlers have to learn not to hit. That said, on top of that, she's hitting her pregnant mother. She's old enough to be well aware of how dangerous that is.


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