What should I do if my mother belittles me?

Question

I see an unpleasant situation between my younger sisters, V - 8 and K - 2 years, where V is guilty.

I try to teach V and say that she is not right but then my mother starts speaking from another room, without knowing the situation, and tells me that I am wrong to teach V as I am only a sister not a parent.

Because of such constant outcomes of my "bad teaching", V stops seeing me as a wise older sister. She does not respect me anymore. I tried to speak to my mother a lot of times but she does not think that she does anything wrong.

What should I do if my mother always belittles me in such a way?

Answer 1

In most situations, short of those that are actively dangerous, or that are personally harmful in some way to yourself, if you attempt to discipline someone else's child, and are rebuffed by the child's actual parent, it is usually wisest to respect the parent's authority --even in this case, where you are the child's older sister. It may be that your parent has some legitimate reason for thinking your intervention is counterproductive, but even if not, she has made her decision.

Because of universal sibling dynamics, even if you are entirely in the right, your sister may resent being instructed by a sibling. And it's entirely possible that the decline in your relationship with her is a direct result of that, rather than of any part of your mother's response.

However, there are other ways that you can potentially influence your sister's behavior that might have better outcomes. One of these is leading by example. Another is working to improve your personal relationship with her to the point where she might be more open to your guidance, rather than resistant to it. It's quite possible that either or both of those options might actually result in your mother's approval and gratitude.

Answer 2

Tattle.

This won't help recover your relationship with them in the short term. But can eventually bring you all onto the same page.

Preferably report nicely without a little sing-song or spiteful tone. If your mother doesn't want you to directly enforce the rules and you think the rules out to be followed get your mother to. Advise her in a reasonable way what your sisters are doing when you feel they are wrong.

Hopefully you mom will figure out this isn't the best way, and that you are capable of right judgment. If you are. It may be your mom is right and your corrections are wrong, in which case bringing each case to her attention will help you tell the difference.

Teach.

If you aren't allowed to correct endeavor to limit how much correction is necessary. Even if they don't respect your authority it is expected you have skills and knowledge they don't. Show them how that helps them.

Follow rules and remind them why the rules exist. Be correct about predicting what the outcomes of some behavior will be. Look for warning signs of trouble and offer alternatives. Prove you are fit for responsibility and it eventually will come to you.

Talk.

Tell you mom how you feel and why you think your way will work. Listen to what she says. It is often hard for parents to accurately judge what their kids are ready for, be patient. The time to have this conversation is at an otherwise quite time, not by correcting her correction of you correcting your sisters. Perhaps sometime when you are being praised (preferably in private) about being mature.

Most people get defensive when they are told they are doing it wrong, and many parents get angry at any interference with their parenting. So you have to be gentle and considerate in offering advice, doing that well maybe itself a hint that you are capable of a more active role in raising your siblings.