My 6, almost 7 year old is so strong-willed that it's crushing me and destroying our relationship, as I'm getting to the point that I dread being around her. She can be so fun and nice one minute but then turn on you and be downright hateful at times. Most of the time I can handle the fits to my no's, it's the non-compliance on things that must get done that I'm really struggling with.
Two of her biggest issues are getting dressed in the morning and now homework. Getting dressed has been an on and off issue since she was 3. I have at times wondered if she could have a sensory disorder but she can go months at a time wearing pretty much whatever then suddenly go back into the daily fits where she will pull almost everything from her drawers, trying on a few things here and there, and end up in a fit on the floor. You would think this might only be a problem when she has to go somewhere she doesn't want to but there are many times where we can't get her dressed to go to a birthday party or the beach or a movie. She will lay on the floor and scream that she really wants to go but doesn't want to get dressed. This can last for 2+ hours.
This year for school she has picked out one outfit she wants to wear and has worn it everyday so far (17 days). She puts it on, no problem. One morning it was in the washer (it was a weekend) and she melted down and waited for it to be dry before she would get dressed to go play outside.
Our other issue is homework. She is only in first grade but has had homework since last year. It became an issue for her at the end of the kindergarten school year. It wasn't difficult, some of it was a dot-to-dot for example, but she just didn't want to do it; the same with nightly reading. We pushed through and I was determined to get into a better routine this year knowing that there would be more difficult work this year. We are already having battles. Yesterday it took an hour to complete her homework. 20 minutes of actual work, and 40 minutes of whining. Tonight it consumed our entire evening 2-7pm. Granted we had a snack and dinner in that time but nothing else fun until the work was done. She went to bed with it still not completed. I do think it's too much work for first grade and I'm going to speak with her teacher tomorrow after school but even if she can get by with not doing it this year, I'm worried that it's giving in to her thinking that if she doesn't want to do something she doesn't have to.
I see 1-2-3 Magic suggested here and we already do something similar to that, ignore undesirable behavior etc., but what do you do when your child won't comply with things that must be done, like getting dressed, hygiene, and homework? I am stressed to the max and while ignoring her behavior today she continued to follow me around and at one point sat on top of me and said "I'm just sitting here enjoying watching my mommy be frustrated". Psycho?
I should also mention that while her behavior has generally been contained to our house, her recent behavior during two separate playdates was horrendous. She was so bossy, mean, and rude that both playmates (mind you, this is two separate occasions) asked to go home. While she wanted them to stay she was in no way remorseful for her behavior. She is also complaining that her friends from kindergarten won't let her play. I imagine it's because this behavior is starting to rear outside the house.
Btw. I feel like I have tried everything... bribing, yelling, begging, giving choices, limiting choices, threatening, sticker charts, praise. It all falls on deaf ears. I honestly feel like if my daughter doesn't want to do it, she won't. Is there something I'm missing?