I honestly don't praise my kids. So I am the odd one out. I do an approach of no punishments & no rewards. So then many will ask, "what else is there", and for us, it's a mix of teaching by example/modeling, guidance and reinforcement, and finally teaching them about self directed behavior.
I know that is vague, so here is an example you used. She picks up the toys as asked. I might say "Wow you did that very fast. I can see you put a lot of effort in. How do you feel when you are able to do such a good job so quickly?" So in there, I am agreeing with the child that the work is good, but the focus on not on me saying it was good, but on how it makes them feel to do a good job. Another example. My child is afraid of the large slide. My child decides to try that slide. I say then, "I saw you looked kind of scared at the top there. Was it scary" (wait for answer) "Then you still decided to go down anyway. That was pretty brave. How does it feel to face your fears? Was it fun?"
The point in my approach has been to start at the earliest ages to get my kids to constantly self reflect. I want them to learn to be self directed as early as possible because I believe based on research (and how it's worked in my life) that children in general naturally desire harmony with their family. Development can make that hard (big emotions without the ability yet to process them, etc). So my focus in parenting is in helping them learn how to reflect on their own thoughts & feelings, sort out why they make mistakes & how it feels when they do bad things and when they do good things. So if you hit another child, then I ask, "When someone hits you how do you feel? How do you feel about that other kid? Do you like when people feel that way about you?".
If that, as an approach interests you, then I'd look into books by Alfie Kohn & Dr Gordon Neufeld & Dr Gabor Mate. I wish I could give you a link, but honestly the books are so much more useful & I know of no link that will give you enough of a synopsis to really understand why someone would choose that approach. What I can tell you is that I've been doing this for more than a decade now & for us it's been wonderful. You don't always get the fastest results, because you do have to be willing to do repetition (I often say to just remind yourself that you said the ABCs 1000 times before your kid learned it, so this is similar), but once it sticks with the child, I do think it's a wonderful thing to see.
This doesn't mean I don't compliment my children. Of course I do. I compliment many people that I don't even know, so of course I would compliment them. My only guideline is I do not praise them & when I compliment them it's not something you earn, it's a heartfelt genuine feeling I am having in the moment. My son does archery & when he makes an amazing shot I tell him. I also am quick to ask him if he sees how the practice is really starting to pay off & what it feels like to enjoy the fruits of your hard work. I want them to learn to do good things because it feels good to do it versus what they think they will get out of it, because in real life, many of the best works you ever do get no recognition & I don't want them to be wired to need that to feel good about themselves, their lives, or their accomplishments. I want them to always feel good about the good they do even if no ever finds out they did it - and I also want them to feel bad if they do crappy things & never get caught. I can't be all eyes everywhere & they will have opportunities to do the "wrong" thing at times it seems no one would know. I want them to choose not to because they would know, and have that be enough.
