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My 8-year-old son has just started his classes in the 2nd Grade and within a month I have received guardian calls from his teachers three times. After meeting with them, I got to know that he talks a lot during classes, disturbs the other children, doesn't listen to his teachers and even shouts at the top of his voice when confronted. His behaviour has forced other parents to request his teacher not to let their children to sit with him.

Me, my husband and his grandparents tried a no. of times to know the reason behind his behaviour. Not that he is well behaved at home. Both of us are working and need to devote a lot of time out of home but at the end of the day, we do spare time for him, looking after his studies and taking him out. We also plan small getaways whenever possible. But he is just unwilling to change. He misbehaves with his grandparents too.

His academic progress last year in the 1st standard was quite good with little or almost no complaints. But the year before that, i.e., in his Upper KG class he behaved almost in the same way.

We feel extremely humiliated in front of his teachers and other parents and have become stressed out ourselves.

How to deal with his behaviour?

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  • Has your son had a physical recently? If he is having trouble seeing or hearing, it could lead to frustration. Has he been bullied? Do not answer quickly -- by far most children will not admit to being bullied; (they actively hide it) because they are ashamed, from teachers and parents and if possible, peers. You could try asking his closest friends if Son is happy at school. Do not suggest the word 'bully', let them tell you if that is what is happening. If you know 100% that none of this applies, I'll try to help.
    – WRX
    Commented May 18, 2017 at 12:04
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    I am not trying to excuse bad behaviour, but that he misbehaved in Upper KG and 2nd grade but not 1st grade could have to do either with the fact that he is bored (1st grade was something new, this is not) or that he only does this around people he knows will not do something (he took a year to figure out the teachers). Does this also happen with people he does not know well, like maybe a pediatrician or family doctor?
    – skymningen
    Commented May 18, 2017 at 12:50
  • I think that your son has a lot enegry. You must direct him in right way. Traditional mortal art with focus on behavior and respect other people is good option. (Not mcdojo!!!!!)
    – barbocc
    Commented May 24, 2017 at 1:37

2 Answers 2

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Have you asked him what is different between this year and last year? I think the comments above about having him checked physically are absolutely right on, but the fact that he had trouble two years ago, but didn't last year, and is now having trouble again suggests that something worked well for him last year. If he can identify what it was, then you can begin trying to implement the same thing at home and with his grandparents.

Be prepared though--it is very likely that he won't be able to tell you anything specific. You will probably have to be somewhat of a detective--everything that he tells you about--try to think about that particular issue from every possible angle. He may say that his teacher last year was nice--ask him what he means by nice. Did that teacher always use a quiet voice, and does his new teacher yell? Did that teacher vary the activities more often than his current teacher? Does the current teacher expect all of the children to sit quietly all the time? It may be that he needs the opportunity to stand up and walk around the room every 10 minutes or so, and then can focus again. If you can get him to start explaining what is different between his environment this year and last year, you may begin to get some clues.

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Difficulties in more than one of the three major areas of functioning - home, school, peers - is indicative of a mental health concern.

The cyclical nature of problems-normalcy-problems is another indication of a mental health issue, as opposed to defiance.

The evaluation, treatment options, and goals of cyclical behavioral problems are complicated and should be performed by a mental health professional.

Even if you choose a wait-and-see approach, it's good to have a professional know what's going on, at least your pediatrician.

In the meantime, if you haven't already done so, a reward system such as a star chart may be helpful.

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