This happened before my husband and I were together! My husband was told 11 years ago that he fathered a little boy. The mother told him it was his then the very next day she told him she was just lying to him. She showed my husband a Birth certificate that her husband signed. (Basically to try and prove it wasn't really his). My husband's name is NOT on the Birth certificate. The mother got pregnant and went and got married (her husband's name is on the Birth certificate) before the child was born. Then she came to him (my husband) and told him he was the father of her child, then she changed her mind a day or 2 later and said "never mind I was drunk when I told you that". Her and her husband were going through a rough patch when my husband was told.
We have 2 young kids together and the child in question is now 12 years old and looks identical to my husband and our boys. There has never been a DNA test done but he is really starting to look just like my husband. I believe the guy who is raising him knows (or assumes) that the 12-year-old isn't his biological child.
My question is will it cause more pain for this boy to learn the truth about who is real father is? Should this come out now at 12 or wait for the child to find out when he is older from friends or an adult around town? I have no question that this young boy will find out eventually. It has been out and about with people in town talking about it lately. My husband is concerned that it could do more harm than good if we press the issue now. We are at a loss of what to do now that the mother has lied about who the young boy's father is. Should my husband press the issue or should we just let it go and if the boy finds out down the road just explain to him that (my husband) was told it wasn't his? We live in the same exact town!
We believe our 4 children we have now will be fine either way if they find out the news now or in years down the road. There is one more twist... My husband family has colon cancer that runs in the family. My husband's grandfather died at 32 and his own father died in his 50's. My husband is followed closely by doctors along with my boys who are starting to be followed at 6 and 8 years old. My husband is concerned how the news will affect the young boy being a 12-year-old.