I'm going to provide more detail than maybe is needed to narrowly answer the question, in case it's relevant, and to solicit any broader advice which the moderators will allow. If it is TMI, you can skip.
My ex- and I got divorced 7 years ago, and since then, there has been non-stop fighting over my efforts to have parenting time with our kids (all adopted), which my ex- (daughter's mom) has been opposed-to from the beginning.
The original Divorce Order included a lot of parenting time in it, the Probate Court Psych Clinic has repeatedly recommended it, the Judge continues to affirm its importance. Unfortunately for me, the Judge has been unwilling to punish Ex- for refusing my parenting time. I've asked my lawyer if it was "me" or if this was "typical." His response: "typical." So we keep going around and around. (I've spent over $80K in legal fees.)
Starting about 18 months ago, Ex- claimed that daughter doesn't want to see me, and that as 14-year-old it was "her choice." (My lawyer says, legally, "no.")
Then, Ex- obtained a restraining order against me (in District court, rather than Probate court, eg, via a different Judge) -- not for anything I had done (I hadn't seen or spoken-with daughter for the previous 6 months) but because Ex- alleged daughter was cutting herself in response to my attempts through the Court to see/communicate with her. No allegation was made that my efforts to see or communicate with daughter were inappropriate or excessive -- only that that daughter was cutting herself (with no evidence of severity nor significance, presented.)
I went back to the Probate Court, which knew our history. The Judge was pissed about the RO, but indicated that he was unable to overturn the District Judge's order.
The books I have read and the child psychologists I have spoken-with, suggest that it is possible (if not likely) that daughter is indeed alienated given the long history of conflict over this matter (text-book case of parental alienation).
So, I decided to treat Ex's assertions as credible, and to shift my focus from enforcement of the Parenting Order, to achieving of reunification.
Ex- continues to report periodically that daughter "cuts" around the time of our hearings. However when I obtain medical reports from the hospitals, after Ex- takes daughter to the ER for such an "incident", what is documented are Ex-'s description of "cutting" but an observation of nothing more serious than "abrasion" (eg scratching).
Anyway, six months ago, after another update to Probate Court Clinic's psych report, I finally got the Judge to order reunification therapy. However, Ex- is still continuing to fight -- by refusing to sign the therapist's releases, refusing to take daughter to appointments, cancelling appointments, again claiming that daughter "cuts" and refuses to go. (We were ordered to split the therapy costs, which are uninsured and expensive; I subsequently offered to pay 100% of them in an effort to get the process moving, so $$$ is not the issue.)
I am now wondering how hard to try push to get the reunification therapy going. In particular, one psychologist I spoke-with indicated that reunification therapy is unlikely to work if either (a) custodial parent objects to reunification or (b) child is > 14 years old and authentically alienated -- which makes me wonder if I should just give up on the reunification therapy and as a consequence, ever having a relationship with her again.
While I am bitter about Ex-'s bad-mouthing, restricting, preventing of my parenting time for years, there's little point in making an issue about it--my daughter and I cannot get those years back; and while I would hope that the Judge might take some action to deter other custodial parents from doing what Ex- has done, my lawyer has told me to not hold my breath.
At this point, I am wondering whether anyone has any advice or insights. I don't need consolation (as I said, my lawyer says my experience is typical in Massachusetts).