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My 10-year-old daughter has a problem with doing her chores correctly in a timely manner. For instance, she's famous for taking 3 hours to wash the dishes. She wants to go outside and play or get on the internet and we tell her that when she's done with her chores (dishes, wipe down countertops, sweep kitchen floor, for example) she can go outside. But she takes forever and by the time she's done, it's night time and too late to do anything. Or she will sweep the floor poorly and leave the broom and dustpan in the middle of the room and she's out the door before we realize it.

Here are the things we have done, not in any particular order:

  • Had a heart to heart where we explained that she is part of a family and we all have responsibilities, etc.
  • Grounded her
  • Taken away her toys/computer/books/insert thing she enjoys
  • Asked her why she takes so long "it's boring and by the time I'm done it's dark and I can't go outside." BECAUSE YOU TAKE SO LONG TO DO IT BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO DO IT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO GO OUTSIDE INSTEAD SO YOU TAKE SO LONG UNTIL IT'S DARK SO YOU CAN'T GO OUTSIDE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO GO OUTSIDE. - (my thoughts, not yelling at her)
  • We've tried giving her an allowance based on performance
  • Done the chores with her to make it fun/show her how it's done properly
  • We have even called her grandfather who treats her like a princess because maybe him showing disappointment would drive the point home. (it doesn't.)

She'll do okay for maybe a day or two but then she goes back to slopping through everything. I really don't know what else I can do short of spanking her, which I know from experience doesn't work because the punishment is brief and over with fast.

She's a sweet girl, she doesn't give us any attitude and doesn't flat out refuse to do her chores (yet) and this has always been a problem that I thought would fix itself as she got older, but it hasn't. You would think that she would do things quickly to get them over with so she'll have more time to play, but it's not happening.

I don't think she has any attention problems as her grades in school are very good and when she wants to do something she has no problems focusing. And she doesn't really misbehave much. I'm close to just removing any responsibility from her and her father and I can just do everything ourselves but I think that's what she wants, and I don't want her to grow up thinking she can take advantage of people or if you stick your heels in long enough you get what you want.

Any ideas?

  • have you tried ignoring it, not rising to her complaints about free time? "oh dear, oh well maybe next time" etc. – WendyG Dec 11 '18 at 13:44
  • Tell me how to make it fun for me. I have never enjoyed it. It is just a necessary thing to get through. – DCook Dec 12 '18 at 16:27
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Patience.

If you have patience, then your first idea should work, eventually. But it requires patience on your part to let her learn for herself.

She sounds a lot like my five year old, sometimes. He has to do a set of chores when he gets home from school, after which he's free to do what he wishes (watch TV, play iPad, whatever) until a set time (a bit before dinner). He has three lists:

  1. "Hard" chores. Do the dishes; unload the dishwasher; take out the trash; clean the toy area. Things that I expect to take 15-30 minutes.
  2. "Easy" chores. Feed the cats; take out the recycling; straighten up the table. Things that I expect to take 5-10 minutes.
  3. Academic chores. Doing homework (if any), completing some time with his educational apps, reading a book.

Those are representative of what he might have available any given day, but they change as our needs change - but the important thing is that he has a list to choose from. That lets him pick the ones he likes better, which means he's more likely to actually do them. It also means he feels that he has some control over the situation. I am careful to list them such that he only has options that are actually needed, of course, so he ends up doing something useful regardless of what he picks.

Then, the second part is the time factor - he is allowed his own time, just like it sounds like your daughter is, once he finishes. That is an incentive to finish quickly. Sometimes he doesn't finish quickly, just as your daughter does, but he finishes quickly often enough that he gets the idea that it's possible. It may take her a few times of doing things in order to get that idea; but it will come.

Finally, the rule is I inspect the job after it's complete, and he corrects anything that is wrong. Mostly there isn't anything wrong, because he knows he'll have to correct it. Do be careful though to have realistic standards - only you know what that is, for your child, but setting standards you know she won't meet doesn't help anyone. Set standards she can meet, and then slowly move them towards the goal of perfection.

This didn't work overnight for us, but it does work now most weeks. We still have some bad weeks, but that's par for the course of parenting, right? When he does a good job, as he did today (cleaned a full sink of dishes in 15 minutes), I encourage him and occasionally give him unexpected bonuses; if he has a hard day and spends all of the time complaining, I remind him at the end that he doesn't have any free time because he spent it all complaining, but I don't push that too hard: just enough that he knows he can do better next time. Negativity doesn't help anyone; positivity wins out ten times out of ten.

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The only thing I can think of past the excellent ideas you have already tried -- is timing/using a schedule.

If she knows on Sunday what the schedule looks like for the week, and her chores are clearly marked for each day and you tell her that the chore must be completed properly before she has freetime/choice of activity, it could help. It is her choice to procrastinate -- but there is no TV, internet, phone, play until chores are done. There are few surprises. (Everyone helps if something accidental happens -- spilling flour, breaking a glass, someone is ill...)

This gives her the opportunity to organise. Perhaps she would prefer to collect litter from the wastepaper baskets in the morning before collection, rather than the night before. If she can show you that she took the responsibility without fuss and without creating another timing problem, then she can select another change.

Perhaps you could trade chores with her. My husband hates cleaning bathrooms and I do no lawn work -- it works for us.

Compromise: I hated drying dishes, but had no problem washing them. (I researched that it is actually better to let them air-dry!) I also put dishes away before washing the next batch -- so that worked. Compromise may make her feel like she has choices even when she still has chores.

It might help if you make a big calendar and use different colours for her and each other person who does chores. She may see that others do as much as she does, or more (add parents -- she'll see how little she does). If she has younger siblings who do less, remind her that she did not do these chores then and that now she gets more privileges due to her age. With age comes responsibility and privilege.

If you do not want her procrastinating -- model it. It's not fair (and kids are very conscientious about what is fair or is not!), if you do not get around to doing your own chores. This goes for the other adults as well. If it is on the schedule -- you do it.

I do chores in ten minute bursts. I put the music on and in ten minutes every morning, each bathroom (only 2 for me, my daughter does her own) gets a once over, and anything in the wrong room is returned to the right place. Our family has learned to look around when we go from one room to another on an ongoing basis -- we pick up a glass or whatever, and move it to the kitchen (sometimes even the dishwasher). That only takes seconds and we never have to tidy the entire house. We clean in ten minutes, too. I can wash a floor in ten minutes including using the vacuum first -- if it is the living/dining room -- that is two in ten.

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    We do chores as a family. First thing while breakfasts are being prepared and lunches sacked all the rest of us clean rooms – user27143 Apr 13 '17 at 13:10
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    @user27143 We do some chores as a family -- for us 'before the weekend fun' is when we do the major cleaning. So sometimes it is Friday night before we do an early morning 'something' on Saturday, but most often we do it Saturday mornings and then the rest of the weekend is free. It only takes an hour with 2-3 people helping. – WRX Apr 13 '17 at 16:39
  • My phone tells me when I get a response, do you know how to turn it off? We have a cleaner, so all we do is keep it tidy. – user27143 Apr 13 '17 at 16:42
  • @user27143 sorry no idea how.. you could ask in meta or read the help section. – WRX Apr 13 '17 at 16:44

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