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I'm am 13 years old and my parents have been fighting a lot they stay up all night fighting. Most nights when they do fight I never get any sleep I just cry. I want to tell them how I feel and I tried but they don't listen, I have always been that shy girl who has never said a word and I just wish for once I can use my voice. But it is so hard I just don't know what to say I just freeze.

How can I stop my parents from fighting?

  • 2
    You say you tried talking to them but they didn't listen. When did you try talking to them (while they were fighting, sometime later)? What kind of things did you say and how did they respond? – Becuzz Apr 3 '17 at 14:43
  • if i may ask, how many sibling you have ? – Rishi Apr 4 '17 at 8:27
  • Are they drinking alcohol or doing any drugs? What is their state of mind at night? – Adam Heeg Apr 4 '17 at 20:34
9

Brianna, if you have a religious mentor, or an aunt or uncle, or even a trusted teacher, you could speak directly with them and express your fears and concerns.

In the meanwhile you could try to talk quietly to help your mom and dad to bring down the volume.

If talking has not helped, you could try writing about your feelings and as long as you are respectful and fair, you could share your writing with your parents.

Take care of yourself. Eat properly, get your sleep and exercise, do the things you know are good for you.This will help you to cope better with the stress.

I hope you will find someone to talk with. You have every right to your feelings.

  • 1
    I think you can't stop your parents from fighting. Otherwise this seems like fair advice -- but Briana is not responsible in any way for her parents or their behaviour. A trusted adult might be able to help let your parents know just how concerned you are -- but it is not your fault Brianna, and it is not your job to fix it. Yes you do have every right to feel what you feel and to seek help dealing with those feelings. – WRX Apr 3 '17 at 17:58
6

They are 2 adults who should have some experience handling conflicts, yet they still fight. You are at a severe experience disadvantage, so it's unlikely you can "fix" them on your own. You can either get them to fix themselves, or get them to get outside help.

  • Let them know that this is unsettling you, how it affects you.* There is a fair chance they are just blind to this aspect, and you letting them know about it will give them a new perspective. That new perspective may be enough to get them to try to fix their issues.
  • While you can't fix them on your own, maybe someone else can. You can suggest family counselling to them.

*You say that you are too shy to talk to them. Consider writing them a letter. Two letters actually, one to each of them.

4

Unfortunately you cannot. You could try to ask to speak to them together and try telling them you are not interested in what they are fighting about, or who is to 'blame', that you love them both but that the constant fighting is making you very unhappy and affecting you life in a negative way.

4

The other respondents are right in that you can't make them stop, and that it's important to take care of yourself, but there may be still something you can do.

Try talking to your parents separately, explain how the stress is affecting you, and ask them if they'd be willing to go into counseling together. (There are low-cost options, if that's an issue).

If you don't feel comfortable talking to them directly, ask an adult, like your clergy, teacher or guidance counselor, about going into counseling. You can certainly ask a relative or friend of your parents; in fact, it may be more effective to ask your mom's friend/relative to talk to her, and one of your dad's to talk to him.

Finally, in any case, find a counselor to talk to for yourself. (Those adults I mentioned can probably help you with that.)

3

There is nothing in this world which you can control outside your physical body.

So you can transform yourself.

So the trick is not to run away from the fact that you are scared or you are a shy girl, just observe the shyness, observe the fear, observe how the breathing is changing in you, observe the mind.

Here is a quote from Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh's book "be free where you are".

(In this chapter Thich Nhat Hanh is talking to prisoners about how to handle feeling overwhelmed by a strong emotion.)

So when you notice that an emotion is beginning to come up, it is very important that you put yourself in a stable sitting position, or you lie down, which is also a very stable position. Then focus your attention on your belly. Your head is like the top of a tree in a storm. I would not stay there. Bring your attention down to the trunk of the tree, where there is stability.

When you have focused on your belly, bring your attention down to the level just below the naval and begin to practice mindful breathing. Breathing in and breathing out deeply, be aware of the rise and fall of the abdomen. After practicing like this for 10, 15, or 20 minutes you will see that you are strong - strong enough to withstand the storm. (page 38)

Do not even think about changing your parents or anyone, instead of trying to control anything, try to control your mind.

SOLUTION OF SUFFERING

The essence of solution is purity of mind

Pure mind is always free from Anger hatred lust happiness (Happiness is also suffering because if you are happy it is the nature's law that you will be sad) answer is remain aware in happiness.

So now how to make the mind pure

This brings a lot of work for you, start with being aware of the breathing (just feel the sensation where it touches inside your nostrils)

Mind will not allow this, but if you do it for 3 days, you will find you are able to tie your mind with your breathe.

Now you will live in the moment and this is just the beginning.

Yes for 13 year old, above stuff may go over the head. But when you read it carefully you will definitely find something useful.

Yes you can not change them but if you can talk to your Teacher/Guide who can try to make them understand how fighting can affect the behavior/Character of their child.

  • 3
    Good advice, but for a 13yo.? To master this on her situation and without guidance? I doubt it... – Stephie Apr 4 '17 at 7:26
  • 1
    @Stephie you are right, she needs guidance – Rishi Apr 4 '17 at 7:30

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