Getting out of rewards for what kid does

Question

My 6-year old, 1st grade son started taking some language classes past August. This is a language we speak about 50% of the time home. These classes are pretty tough, teach reading, writing and speaking. The kid sees very little point in learning the language (especially reading and writing), as family and friends can speak to him in English. Still, he is doing pretty well in it, and I am confidant that he will move on to the next (intermediate) level.

However, to kick start the learning (back in August), I told him that he'll get a Xbox if he successfully finishes this year. My sense is that he is putting in the effort for the Xbox.

So, come June, he passes the final exam, he gets the Xbox and then what? I am wary of dangling another thing in front of him to go to the intermediate level. How do I convince him that he needs to continue learning?

As a note, this is the only instance where we offered a specific reward after one thing. Otherwise, our attitude will be, finish your work, you can watch TV/play with your friends once done - I do not know if you'd call that a reward. Of course, school has its own rewards stuff, over which we have no control.

Answer 1

It sounds like your son is a dual native speaker. It would be to his benefit to continue to work toward fluency in both languages.

At 6 years old, he probably doesn't appreciate this yet: for young children, learning two languages is an extra burden, and the later benefits of being able to bridge language gaps are not obvious. I know this was the case for myself when I was young and all of the other dual native language speakers I knew.

However, when the children get older and become adults, they will find fluent dual native language ability more and more useful, and in my experience, if they have neglected one language, they will regret that, as I and the other dual native speakers I know do.

Since your child is not yet old enough to appreciate the benefits of being a fluent dual native speaker, it's perfectly appropriate to use rewards or other incentives to get him to continue to gain the knowledge. It's find to find a new reward for the next year. I like the suggestion of the Xbox games to go with the Xbox, but almost anything that works would be fine.

With regard to the general question, I think rewards are fine for any learning that involves mostly memorization. I've used money rewards extensively with my three kids for tedious arithmetic and reading drill. The drill has been successful in getting them to progress faster - for example, from bottom of the class to top of the class in math for my daughter over two years - and it has caused them to like math and reading more, rather than less, as they got better.

Answer 2

You want your child to learn a subject and as parents this is your call. The benefits include that learning another language is a way to help a person have a better understanding of their culture, as well as cognitive benefits.

There are many sites with information on the benefits of learning more than one language. Here is one.

Rewards systems are difficult. Many people just refuse to use reward/token systems with their children, but I disagree. I got a paycheque for working -- token system. I am good to my husband and he is good to me -- loose token system.

Next year, you set a weekly time limit on XBox. He can earn more time with it in return for working at school. It can be removed for not working hard. I think this will be the main reward system you use because you already committed to it. Try not to add more if you are rethinking a rewards system.

This experience has made you more mindful, I think. At 6, you can talk it out with your son. Tell him the truth. He only has so many years where you put a roof over his head and feed him while his main responsibility is school. There will be a time when he has to work at a job to support himself and perhaps to (help) pay for further education. This is his 'golden opportunity'. It doesn't last. Tell him how old you are and how hard you work. Making a mystery of how much things cost and the effort you put into having them and providing your child with them, is an error. You work hard and he needs to understand that and the choices you make.

It is never too early to learn how to set goals. I asked my (then) 4 year old what she wanted life to be like when she grew up. She wants a home and a dog and a car and to travel. She wants to be a grandmother with many grandkids coming to visit her. Even at four she understood that life and the things she wants from it are expensive and that while she could have all those things, she needed a plan to get them. Your six year old can understand the educational benefits of learning a language and that learning it gives him more of his own choices later -- when he is paying to support himself and his own choices.

Answer 3

Before anything, I'd like to point out that there is a lot of scholarly evidence to support that not only are we as people worse at learning things we don't want to (or fail to see the point of), we also retain them for much shorter periods of time after we finish actively studying them. Keep this in mind if you're paying for expensive lessons.

That said, I would stick to your current reward track. If this comes with a report card of some description, tie the amount of new games he can have to his actual results. This way you are not taking away anything he has rightfully earned (the xbox, and time on it) but are limiting its utility until he improves the utility of what he is learning!

Answer 4

I would avoid material rewards that you have to hand to him, because it can establish expectations and demands. There are other kinds of rewards. One cheap reward is praise. Children like being good at something.

Other rewards can be rewards you are not involved in (in his perception) such as some comic books, movies, or games that are easily accessible, but unfortunately not on his primary language. I learned English with Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis and Civilization (whose remakes lack the detailed texts of the original and thus aren't as suitable for this).