If your child is doing something wrong or is hiding facts from you, you have to obviously question her and understand what is she busy with, and whether she is doing something that she is not supposed to be doing it. Children drift away from us when we do not ask or say anything to them. We have to sit with them and talk it out with them, explaining and guiding what is right and what is wrong for them, and at times even shake them if required. But how we do it is the key!
Teens don’t always clam up and hide their lives from their parents, and not all of them think that their parents are old-fashioned or stupid. As parents of teens, it’s our job to learn their language and create a bond of trust so that they feel comfortable coming to us and confiding in us the minutest details of what is happening in their life. Let’s see how we can do it:
• Clear the mental roadblock that prevents your teen from talking about her life to you and open the door for new and healthier communication pattern to emerge. Foster true connection with your daughter through a free, frank and authentic communication that encourages both of you to drop your fears, to forget your prejudices and truly see each other for who you are, and hear out each other in a meaningful way. Find time to sit down and have a one-on-one chat with her, without being too formal. Create opportunities to communicate more naturally and encourage conversation on this matter too.
• Lead by example. If you're having trouble getting your teen to open up, share your real experiences as a teenager, about how you communicated with your parents, and how you made your choices in life. Talk in a tone that is inspiring and inviting, to help her seek from you the advice she needs, to find the solution that she might be struggling with, or to simply unload some fears of hers with someone she feels she can trust.
• Give your daughter the confidence that you believe in her. When your child knows that you believe in her, she will not want to or like to do anything wrong, that challenges your belief in her. It will act as the biggest deterrent at every step of her life. And even if she has walked a few miles on the wrong path, this belief will refrain her from proceeding further, and will put her back on the road, as she does not want to lose your trust and love at any cost.
• Discuss only when you both are at peace. If either of you is upset, hold on and bring up the matter only when you both are calm. Avoid conflict at any cost, and over time, you will certainly see good results come to you. Having said that, as a parent, you have all the right to set rules that are necessary and expect her to follow them too. Initially, your child may not like when you set boundaries. But ignore your child's shrugs, raised eyes and bored looks, if she has started behaving in the way you'd like her to.
• Judging. Be patient before you judge your teenager. Listen openly to what she has to say and tune in to what your girl is feeling. If you truly listen to her, then you can offer support and guidance with empathy, after having rightly understood her side of reality, even if you may not be completely agreeing to it. She should never feel, “My parents don’t understand, so what’s the point of trying to explain myself?” She may be making a poor choice, but the truth is, she might not yet have the skill to make a better one. You have to help develop herself to make better choices in life.
• Offer to brainstorm with your child about the choices that she has made. Sit with her and develop a pros and cons list. sk her to think critically as to what will work and what will be problematic about her decision, what would be the natural consequences of her choices, and how would she feel about dealing with that? When you let her see that you have faith in her abilities and she has the space to work things out, but with the due guidance and supervision from your side; she will begin to open up with confidence.
• Don't ever give up on your daughter. Your child needs you even if she may not admit it. Always be there for her, even if it means silently, for it surely tells her how much you care. Be sure to let her know that you are always there to help her, to whom she can consult anytime, for anything. Pray for her welfare. Pray to the Lord to grace her.
Children Respond To Love
If nothing helps, leave the moulding and development to the expert. Children are looking for love. And when they do not find that love, they suffer in silence.