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My 21-year-old son is newly divorced. He and his former wife hate each other a lot. Recently, his ex wife started posting pictures on social media of her baby boy just born in November.

Which would have made her pregnant a few months before their divorce and before my son left their home. I look at this sweet baby and he is my son's twin. It's hard not to notice. See, my son is half vietnamese and caucasian and his wife is mexican. And this baby has asian features - my son's features.

The baby's mother posted on a social site: "I never want my son's father to ever see him or even hold him. I don't want him to even know he exsists". And my son refuses to even look at a photo of the baby. I simply asked the mother if the baby was my son's and she got mad and then blocked me on all her social sites and said she's sorry but we can't have communication anymore.

How can I approach this situation without overstepping my bounds?

  • Is it wrong of me to want to know if this baby is my grandson?

  • Is it wrong to want the chance to love him and be a grandma?

  • Or should I just let it go, since both mother and my son deny it?

  • And if it's not wrong of me, how should I address this issue?

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    Christina, is there another question you want to ask? For example, do you want to be in this child's life, or do you want the father (presumably your son) to have a relationship with the child? Right now, it's not clear what you're asking. (If I answered, for example, of course you're not wrong to bring it up! Would that be all the answer you want?) Please edit your post if you want a more helpful answer. Thanks! – anongoodnurse Feb 11 '17 at 15:08
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This must be so difficult.

I understand that your son may not want to know -- he'll owe child support and so on and have to take responsibility. He'll have feelings about having a child and probably having to go to court to get any kind of access. While I am unable to understand that, it isn't up to me to decide how he should feel. I certainly would not want to pay for child support without access and parental rights.

As your your rights -- LINK -- if you are in USA, they are different in every state. IF you are not in the US, try Googling your rights where you live.

Your son could resent you trying /interfering in any way. It might be too hurtful or in his opinion, too expensive -- or both. I would ask him straight out. If you have to choose between your son and your grandchild, would you choose the infant?

A compromise might be to ask your son if he were to be left out of it, would he be okay with you offering support to his ex? Financial and caregiving -- either/both. Once you open this 'publicly' you might be involving your son regardless of his wishes.

I feel for you, I truly do. However, it may not be up to you and you will have to decide if the price of the relationship with your son is worth jeopardising for a possible relationship with your grandbaby. Your son sounds pretty clearly against it from what you've shared.

I am happy you were persistent about asking this question and wish I had a real answer. Time has a way of changing things. Maybe your son and his ex will feel differently in a year or so.

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