Seeking advice, guidance and tips for behavioral improvement

Question

I have two daughters of age 4 and 2. I still doing breastfeeding to both of them by hoping better developed child. First you can comment on about it. The one main thing about I like to ask about is elder (4 years old) daughter started to behave like her grandma.

• The behavior I do not like to withstand are throwing things (including hitting things down from tables and desks) even her toys. I see her that she doesn't keep her things and toys neatly after when she was done playing. How do I teach her to handle things gentle and keep her things very well(to value them).

• Another problem is I have difficulty in teaching them sharing. I read some parenting blogs and they said sharing is not easy to teach the kids of their ages. I like have some opinions about it too. But when I bought toys for them no matter how it can be divided and shared equally between them there would be sharing conflicts at all times. Elder one has habit of snapping things from younger one. This behavior we do not want to encourage anymore and how it can be stopped. During these day elder one was trying small size clothes of her sister when she saw her sister was wearing which is impractical and have trouble to understand her those small clothes are not comfortable for her anymore. This to teach sharing lessons are very hard to manage when dealing with little daughter. She can speak full length of sentences and phrases what grown man says but it doesn't seem she would understand the meanings of words so when she heartily cried for something she wants from her elder sister it is difficult and long to console her and make her understand sharing.

• Another point is we 4 family members are living in small apartment. So if I try to use timeout for elder one it doesn't seem effective because she was not isolated alone very well. She knew that she was being punished for her bad behavior and she doesn't like timeout period but actually the place for timeout is not so timeout place I think.

• Another thing is they both are very active (hyperactive I read questions about hyperactive child here) they sleep very late earliest 11pm and sometimes midnight to 1/2 am which makes me exhausting. They wake up late in mornings (around 10am) and they usually do a small nap around 4pm. All the rest time they are very active and noisy. I reduced their screen/TV time limited to 2 hours per day (sometimes less than that). I know I have to shift their sleeping times and nap time but I do not know how to start. I do attachment parenting and they are sleeping with us in one bed at night I do breastfeeding to both of them. I tried to switch off all the lights to persuade them to sleep but the younger daughter doesn't like darkness so I gave up. What can I do to sleep them around 8 or 9 pm and wake up at 7 am or should I let it go their sleeping patterns?

Answer 1

Welcome!

I have nothing to say about breastfeeding after two. It's your decision and it doesn't matter what I think. I never had the opportunity so I leave that to people who have.

Discipline. If a child throws something or misuses it, try removing it. It goes in the closet or drawer and stays there for a period of time. 20 minutes, 2 hours, a day -- the time can increase if the behaviour doesn't stop. The downside is that you might have to entertain your child with something else; you need room to store removed items; other children can also not use the toy. Be consistent. That is a prime key to success. No matter how tired or crabby you feel -- handle it the same fair way every time.

Sharing. Try a timer. Everyone has to switch toys when the timer goes off. IF they share, the time gets extended. You do not have to explain this too much -- they will figure it out. Be positive.

Timeout. It is not a punishment, in my opinion. It doesn't work for everyone. Normally, I do not suggest using bed as a time out spot -- but if it is the only reasonable space, go ahead. If you can't do it in the space you have, try redirection. Put on some music, turn off the TV, go for a walk, tidy up -- just change what is happening to something else. This is not punishment but you also are not trying to please the child you are redirecting. If TV is her favourite thing, don't use it for redirection.

Sleep habits are different with attachment parenting. I have no experience with it so I won't make any suggestions about this. You might try exercise. It tires everyone out, but do it earlier in the day -- not after dinner.

It might be that you are looking for opinions on breastfeeding and attachment parenting. If you want permission to change how you are doing things -- you have it. You are the parent.

Best of luck!

Answer 2

I don't think breastfeeding is an issue here, so I'll jump to main points.

I suggest trying playful matter to solve cleaning up the toys. You coild say that toys love to get to their own places after a play. You can pick them up together. That way 4 year old gets more adult time. Or you can set up a reward roster. She might get sticker after cleaning up.

There could be cleaning up dance or song. Different for each week or month.

It takes 20-30 repetitions to form a habit and you'll have to keep complimenting after that.

Violent behaviour is common at that age. You just have to stop it every time you see it happening. It is laborous path, but there is no alternative. If you allow kids to throw things for any special reason or push each other around, that will escalate or start happening behind your back. You are teaching them habits.

Sometimes kids want to misbehave to see if you still keep your word about what is ok and what is not. Repeating that gives safety. Even if it means few tears now and then. Firm talk should be enough. Using physical threat does teach them to fear, but not to behave.

I don't think your children can play together. Usually at age of 3 years, children are mature enough to play together. But you can teach both to give things. Like pebbles or pieces of paper. First to you, and later to each other.

You can read to them and pick them up to sit on your lap. That way they learn to be next to each other. You can cook together or draw stuff. Anything side by side activity. That prepares to common play. Singing together forms bonds as well.

Sleeping patterns are hard to change. If you are lucky it takes day but usually weeks.

First for a routine. Like: porridge or some food first. Then washing up, teeth etc. Finally sleeping gown, and story. After that kids have to be in bed. Only excuse is to go to bathroom for pee etc. They just ate, no extra drinking or wandering around.

Clever kids sing to themselves, try to read books in dim light, play with their stuffed animals. I have just few rules: head on the pillow, under the blanket, and you have to whisper because its time to sleep.