My son started kindergarten and doesn't like writing his name. How should I think about this?

Question

My son did his first day of kindergarten last Friday.

On his first day of school he came home and said, "I had to write my name lots of times on sheets of paper. I didn't like that."

My son is perfectly capable of writing his name. (Two years of preschool and 4 years of childcare gave him a pretty good idea).

He came back from his second day of kindergarten today, and that was his first comment.

"How was school".

"I had to write my name a lot".

Now as a parent you have to rein in your paranoia a bit, and try and use good judgment. (This is a particularly small sample size). The challenge is that you want your kids to have a great time at school and drink it all in.

On the other side, this might be a normal experience for boys in infants school where writing is hard work. (I recall years of pain doing cursive writing). It might be that sitting still all day is hard work as well.

(I'll note that my daughter two years older loved kindergarten).

The thought still lingers. Do I need to help my son get better at writing his name? Can I encourage him to delight in it? Is there a way I can make it fun? Should I just get over myself and not worry about it?

My question is: My son started kindergarten and doesn't like writing his name. How should I think about this?

EDIT: I wanted to thank everyone for their comments. His sister was at a friends place yesterday so I took him out for a milkshake. He confessed he'd made a mistake the first time he wrote it and didn't like that very much. He also hangs out with his best buddy from preschool, and he said his buddy likes to complain about having to write his name. We're all good! A rambunctious, slightly self-conscious five year old boy living life with his mates.

Answer 1

First, I would ask him about why he doesn't like writing his name. Is it boring? Is it too hard? Is it too repetitive? Etc. Once you know why he doesn't like it, you can work on helping him, either by working with the teacher/school to make adjustments or by helping him practice or otherwise addressing the issue.

If I were to hazard a guess, it sounds like he might be bored. You stated he already knows how to write his name. And now he's getting a lot of practice he probably doesn't need, so it feels mindlessly dull to be forced to do it over and over. And over. And over. And...

Kindergarten is unfortunately where a teacher gets a group of kids with a wide range of abilities. Some kids are pretty far along because of preschool, very involved parents, etc. Others may not have had any of that. Most are probably somewhere in the middle. But your son's teacher has to teach to the lowest common denominator. He/she can't skip teaching how to write names just because your son already knows it because there are others who don't. So he's going to have to learn to deal with it somehow. You can work with him to give him tools to combat the boredom (which will serve him well throughout his life as this will certainly happen again). You can also try asking the school to give him something a little more challenging so things aren't so dull and he can learn something.

Again, before you try anything, ask him what's going on. He's old enough he can express some of his feelings. You may need to help or dig if/when his emotional vocabulary is lacking. But he should be able to tell you. And if all else fails, see if you can observe class one day. It might give you some insights into where the problem lies.

Answer 2

If my son came back from school two days in a row telling me that he had to "write his name a lot", I'd ask him the following:

• How many times is "a lot"?
• Why did you have to write your name so much? Was everybody else writing their names too (class activity)? Or was it just you (punishment)?
• Did you show your work to the teacher?

Then, depending on the answers, I'd maybe, maybe not talk with his teacher.

• If "a lot" means like 5 times... "Come on, son, don't be whiny. 5 times is not a lot. Just make sure you do your best and show the teacher how well you did it!".
  • This can lead to a reply like "It's not a lot but..." which may shed some light on the actual reason why he feels down (see Beofett's answer).
  • Beware, however, that writing your name 10 or more times, when you are still learning to write (and spend like 5 seconds per letter), is a big deal. A kindergarten kid can easily spend 15 minutes or more just trying to write "Billy" 10 times. And that is a lot for them.
• If it looked like some kind of punishment, I'd ask the teacher about how my son is doing in class, whether he's behaving fine or not, and how can I help in his development and behavior.
• If it looked like a class activity, I'd tell the teacher that I already taught my son how to write his name, but I'd show interest in how he did it this time in class. If he did it well, I'd explain how it's frustrating to him to repeat something that he already does fine, and ask the teacher about the possibility of my son writing something else instead (like the teacher's name, or the school's name), or maybe using different colors each time, or cursive. If he can improve, then I'd thank the teacher for their work and encourage my son to improve.

The above has the benefit of you making your son rationalize about the activity, and you showing the teacher that you want to be involved in your son's learning process.

In my opinion, a good teacher / school should try to adapt the activities to each children's capabilities, as much as possible within the school's program and the general level of each classroom. They're supposed to educate humans and to instill in them the passion for learning; not to program them like drones.

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EDIT Re: comments about acknowledging a child's feelings.

@AquariusTheGirl @theonlygusti Your comments are welcome.

I do not agree with the current trend of validating every single feeling a child might have. I think it leads to entitled adults who think that their feelings are above everything else, adults who think they have the right not to be hurt or offended, ever.

There's a difference between acknowledging a child's feelings ("I understand how you feel and why you feel like that"), and telling them it is OK to feel like that when it isn't.

It is OK to feel hurt when someone insulted you. It is OK to feel sad when your friend moves to another town. It is OK to feel anger when you see someone abusing somebody else.

It is not OK to feel envy of your friends' toys. It is not OK to feel rage because you didn't get cake for dessert. And it is not OK to feel apathy because you had to write your name 5 times back at school.

Sure, it's not easy for a child to discern when it is OK to feel some way, and when it isn't. That's why we parents are here: to help them learn.

Answer 3

A couple of things first:

• This is definitely not a boy thing
• It is not something you should be paranoid about

There are many reasons that children dislike doing things like this. The main one is that they were told to do it. Around that sort of age kids love doing all sorts of things, but typically if they are told to do it, especially a few times in a row, it will be much less fun for them.

There is the possibility, especially if they have a rare name, that they may only realise this once they get to the stage of writing or saying it in class, so this may make them less keen to do so, but that is just a phase.

There are other phases you can expect where they like to write their name all the time - there is so much to do and learn that you will get both negative and positive responses to things at kindergarten and school. And to be honest, even as an adult there are things you normally like that become less fun when you have to do them.

Answer 4

The first thing to do is ask "why?".

My son had the same response when he started Kindergarten. It wasn't on his first day, and it wasn't his first piece of feedback, but it was something he complained about very early.

We made the same assumptions you did: is it just because the repetition is hard work? Is it boring? Do we need to work with him to help him enjoy it?

Well, after some digging, we found out that it was mostly because he felt that the other students were better at it than him, and that some students made comments about his handwriting being "bad". We still don't know just how those comments were phrased, but after discussion with my son, it seems like they weren't teasing him or making fun of him; he was just being sensitive because he didn't like not being as good as his peers.

In our case, we focused on how much of an improvement he had made since he had started writing his own name in pre-school, and emphasized that practice is how you get good at anything (this is a recurring lesson that we reinforce whenever possible, because my son has a history of getting frustrated when learning something that doesn't come easily to him).

Showing him his handwriting from a year earlier seemed to help, because he was really surprised at how much better he had gotten, but what really seemed to put the issue to rest was when my wife and I told him that neither of us have nice handwriting, and that I was an adult in my twenties before I realized that I had been drawing zeros backwards for over a decade (don't judge! I use a keyboard a lot....).

The situation with your son may be completely different than what we experienced, but you simply won't know until you ask more questions. Be careful to make it clear that you want to find out why so you can help, and that he's not in trouble, and won't be in trouble for what he tells you.

Answer 5

I also think this is not a boy thing and that it is nothing to worry about. Printing as this age is work. I also do not like signing my name and on some days, it just feels like they want you to do a lot of it. If this is a particularly busy day of signing his name, I understand -- it isn't fun. It's work. In my case, it's arthritis. In his case I am betting, it's just not fun.

I'd be careful about making a big deal of anything you are worrying about. In our home when K came home from school, we'd have a drink at the kitchen table. I'd ask about her day and look at her work, if she brought any home. I'd ask what her day was like. I'd tell her about my day, too. It gave her an opportunity to solve her own problems (if she thought she had any), but with my gentle suggestions.

I wonder if he thinks it is a problem or if perhaps he is just trying to share the regular trials and tribulations about school. He also has peers. I remember having a student who was in the habit of saying things he repeated after hearing his older brother discuss school. "I hate school. It's too hard. I want to play." I worked with that student to change the conversational habit to a happier one. It did not happen in a day, but what he was saying was a self-fulfilling prophecy and it was something that we could change.

We are all in charge of our own happiness. We decide whether the world is wonderful or terrible. I am an optimist -- but I had to learn that. I spent years with medical issues and a mum who felt very put out because of my health issues. I was lucky to find a therapist who helped me lighten my own load.

So I'd try to gently help my child to see that sometimes we have to work but that learning new things and finishing work can give us a sense of accomplishment. (Just don't make this into a big deal. Kids will think you are being fake, and that never works.)

LINK to how to teach positivity

Answer 6

Try a little psychology. Get him to do some artwork. He probably won't sign his name. Then "Wonder who drew this nice picture?" Then get him to put his name on it.

Mail some pictures to Grandmas and aunts and be sure his name is on it. Be sure to have them write back and tell him thank you and they'll always know who it is from him because his name is on it.

Sooner or later he'll get something with a grade - hopefully a good one. Who made this "A"? Well you did Matt, you name is right here!!

Answer 7

Would this not be a perfect opportunity to help him learn his very first lesson in, "well, sometimes we have to do things we don't like, but that's also part of life?"

Life is going to be full of boring, uninteresting, repetitive things, like taking out trash, doing laundry, paying taxes, paying bills, cleaning house....to me, this is a great opportunity to make this a non-issue by simply saying "yeah, doing the same thing like that isn't always fun, but that's okay sometimes." Validate his dislike for the tedium by making an issue of it rationalizes the idea that everything should always be enjoyable, and that's simply a false life lesson.

Answer 8

It is definitely a "boy thing". Contrary to other answers' claims, research results are well-known about early development of girls in many skills. One quote: "Once in school, girls are one to one-and-a-half years ahead of boys in reading and writing. Boys are twice as likely to have a language or reading problem and three to four times more likely to stutter. Girls do better on tests of verbal memory, spelling and verbal fluency."

Source: http://www.pbs.org/parents/experts/archive/2012/09/boy-and-girl-brains-whats-the.html

There is nothing to worry about it. Anyway, each kid is a bit different in their development spurts.

And don't you also think repetitive tasks are boring?

Answer 9

My kids often had troubles like these, and they were almost always low-blood-sugar/hugs problems. 4 butter-crackers, two hugs, and they wouldn't even remember that they had a problem.

Your stakes are low. For years, my daughter had a personal way of counting to 20 that did not include 16-- 16 just wasn't part of her way. Now she is 13, and 16 has been accepted. Life impact for me was zero.

Standard grownup caveats: check that no one is being mean to him, that he isn't injured. Repeat back his complaints, so he knows you were listening.

Then give him a cookie/hug. The first day of Kindergarten is scary.

AFTER the cookie/hug, ask him whether he just wants to legally change his name to "POW" or "Awesome Rocket Dragon Monster". You can do that, you know.

Answer 10

I'd just deflect his annoyance by saying "Sure, most of you don't need to practice writing their names, but what if there's a kid called Christopher or Elizabeth who still needs practice because they sometimes make mistakes?"

As to:

"How was school".

"I had to write my name a lot".

I'd redirect it to "What were the fun things you did today?" "Which kids do you like?" "What do they do at break?" "What is the teacher like?" No need to get hung up on something minor.

Answer 11

Who doesn't dislike writing their name? Who doesn't dislike repetitive writing? Since ancient times a carved wooden block and ink tray sufficed. Problem solved.

Nobody should be FORCED to do anything. If the value is realized then the skill becomes. By threat coerced compliance the least spectacular result is solicited.

"had to" == "must" == "forced"

Without coercion; by babies the native language is learned. Because communication value was realized the skill was learned. Force is not required. Force is detrimental. When value is realized the skill becomes.

Does concern not exist regarding indoctrination by a system which solicits results through disrespectful methods such as deprivation, humiliation, threats?

For a 5 year old person, if education is not amusing then a bright academic future seems precluded.

Perhaps a school where students rave about happy fun learning would achieve better academic results in one month than an entire year in an abysmal school?

With regard to learning in the long run; an attitude towards academics and schools and learning are insignificant. For the less enthralled individual by school many youthful hours are wasted. By sitting approximately 6 hours opportunity for strength, agility, and physical skill development is sacrificed.

Regardless, young people learn what seems amusing and useful. By age 12 I was already an 8086 assembly language computer programmer. That was a not a junior high school class. Back then IBM PCs and Tandy 1000 were top of the line computers. I learned how to program mine. Until that time 6-7 years of abysmal education at many schools was endured, due to my father's military occupation and constant relocation.

Good schools, yet never experienced, might have helped. Fortunately, the realization that education is one's own responsibility can surmount the detriment imparted by a plethora of pathetic professors.

No person should endure abysmal education. Grant pity, please. With a good school each weekday morning begins with excited anticipation rather than apprehension. By some states private education is fully subsidized. By private rather than public school attendance; additional cost might not be incurred. Tutors, online education, and private instructors might also be possible.

Public school can be like a 12 year sentence for the crime of being born ignorant. Academic daytime penitentiaries? State provided child care and one or two meals at best? From abysmal academic experiences, those sort of perceptions can become.