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I am now 20 weeks pregnant and I don't know what to do to keep this baby safe from an abusive ex that thinks I lost it.

He is extremely mentally unstable and has threatened both of our lives if I left, which I did after several close calls. I have no proof of the abuse. I have no idea what to do if he shows up demanding custody.

I am only 18 and he is 21. The only upside I see is he has been to many different mental hospitals since he turned 18, he has a history of drug abuse, and he has a class A misdemeanor. I have a clear record if that means anything.

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    Contact the police, whatever the equivalent of family services is where you live, look for women's shelters. Do it yesterday. – Becuzz Jan 24 '17 at 17:16
  • I tried that but I have no proof and they said they couldn't do anything without proof, he never left marks when he hit me, he is very good at talking his way out of everything and spinning stories... – Luna Jan 24 '17 at 17:21
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    He is your ex? Where are you living? – Stu W Jan 24 '17 at 17:22
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    Luna, you do not require proof to seek help. Please do not be defeated because you think something is true. You are responsible for your life and the life of your child. Do not accept "no" for an answer. Shelters will know where you can go and how to help you. They will know all about 'leaving no marks'. – WRX Jan 24 '17 at 17:54
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    Document the instances of abuse - even if he doesn't leave a mark, keep a log. You may need to do it online, or using code, but document the dates and any other details, e.g. "I was sitting on a chair watching TV and he came up and slapped me in the back of the head hard enough to knock me out of the chair". Video is better, but even a journal of what and when he does can be helpful – Wayne Werner Jan 24 '17 at 19:52
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Luna, you need help, so I want to second what others have said about contacting family services or a woman's shelter. Go to this website and see if there is a shelter near you. Or do web searches to find whatever support is near you. Whether they take you in or just help guide you through this, you need that extra help.

You can also try to look for family services near you. They may be able to help you with the police. The police sometimes wrongly think that they need more than your statement to protect you, but this is not so. Based on his prior conviction and your statement, they should be able to try to keep him away from you.

But the police can't keep an eye on you or him 24/7, so you may need to move. Do you have any family that could help you out? Or there is the possibility of moving to a shelter in another city, maybe?

If you can't find a shelter or family services, you can also try getting help from a local church, if there is one with a women ministry near you, but look for one with a woman leading that ministry. Unfortunately I have read and seen too many accounts of men pastors taking advantage of women in need. I myself have served in full-time Christian ministry, but would only meet with a woman in your situation if my wife was present every time.

But whatever you do, look for someone to help you through this. You need a human on your side and at your side. A crisis like this makes it very hard to think and see a way through. You need the moral support and guidance of a trusted person.

I hope this does not offend you, but I will be praying for you.

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  • PS: Luna, this will pass. The day will come when this problem will only be an unpleasant memory. Hang in there, it will pass. – user16557 Jan 24 '17 at 18:33
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Please call a shelter and ask for counselling and housing . Hospitals, police departments, shelters all have resources or know where you can find them. I doubt we can do more than encourage you to act immediately.

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