Do I have to worry about my 2-year-old son's social skill?

Question

it might be nothing but since I am observant I came to notice a few things:

my son goes to daycare 5 days a week, and it's been for more than one year, still he feels uneasy on Monday and cried a while before calming down.

He is a little shy and reluctant to greet his teachers, neither to his classmates. As a contrast, i noticed a few times his classmates approached him and greet him by his name and hugged him. He won't refuse the good gestures but showed no reciprocity either.

Also one time at a science museum for toddlers, he tried to push his way to the front of a line but an older boy pushed him back, and his reaction was crying and keep pushing forward, I and the father of that boy intervened and separated them and no real harm incurred. But it seemed to me that my son's only expression is screaming and crying when he want something. I can understand that because that's the way he behaves at home and most time he gets what he wants by doing that, he came to realize it's an effective way that works for him, even though I constantly tried to teach him to express himself by words not by emotions.

We are ethnic Chinese and we speak Chinese to him at home, I am not sure if that contribute to his social awkwardness outside the house. His teachers, however, guaranteed us that my boy was doing just fine in term of communication at daycare.

As I said at the outset that it might be nothing and I was just overworried, however if there is something requiring actions, I'd love to hear it. After all, I did notice some boys and girls of his age presented better social skills.

Answer 1

I see three separate issues: 1) Your child's Monday morning sadness, 2) his shyness at school, and 3) his outbursts in public.

1. Monday morning sadness. The only way to really solve this one is to have a stay-at-home parent. It shouldn't come as a surprise children this age prefer a parent at home pretty much always. Since this is probably not financially feasible, just keep doing what your doing, and it will get better as time goes on. If you can afford a single income, you might consider exercising that option for the well being of your child.

2. Shyness at daycare. Boys usually mature more slowly than girls, both with verbal and social skills. Combine that with the jarring difference in language from one environment into another, and he's probably completely confused. This should get better, but my experience with boys in bilingual cultures is it takes until about 4 to get it all sorted out. Also, the other children might be quite a bit bigger than him. It might be scary.

3. His social behavior. Welcome to parenting a two year old. Seems perfectly "normal" to me. My 9 and 7 year olds are angels ... usually. But at two, sometimes I just had to pick them up and leave from anywhere we were.

Answer 2

I have three kids and all of them have been in daycare as toddlers. They started at ages from 15 to 18 months old. One boy and two girls.

All of them did fight, cry, or hung on my neck when I gave them to daycare. Toddlers love their parents. It is normal to feel anxiety when separating. Depending on a child it takes from few weeks to months for morning weeping to end.

You need routines when leaving the child and you have to leave. Don't tell three times your goodbyes, once is enough. It feels painful to leave a child but keeping goodbyes short helps child to adjust itself to daycare "mode".

About feelings. To understand your feelings and feelings of others you need to name your feelings in front of the child. It is way easier to do at home. This way child learns how to read your emotions and gains understanding.

However, 2 years old doesn't understand pain of others. Child is usually 3-4 y/o before child can understan pain of other person. Young one can keep kicking adult because aldult makes funny noise and does that to pet as well. It takes time for a child to learn how world works. So, keep your feedback approprite to child's age.

Emotions can be learned. Show to your child things you love and tell that. Listen to music you love and say how that makea you feel. Do yucky stuff too. Show all emotions to your child.

Answer 3

No you don't have to worry, the things you describe are normal for up to 4 or 5 year olds. Of course you need to be careful not to spoil him, if someone says no, it means no and crying should never be a reason for a no becoming a yes.

But for a two year old there is absolutely nothing wrong within what you are telling us here.