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It was made known to me that my daughter's classmate is being racist and is bullying her at school. I've asked the principal to meet with the parent. We've met but the parent is also racist. The principal think it's still harmless because the said bully haven't hurt my kid physically. I'm contemplating changing schools. However, I don't want my kid to think that running away from the problem is the solution.

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    What is the nature of the bullying (name calling, exclusion, other)? – anongoodnurse Jan 13 '17 at 21:16
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    What country are you in? What type of school is it? – A E Jan 14 '17 at 8:13
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    In my own experience bullying can be for any reason -- racism is simply a nasty one. I taught special needs kids -- they were bullied. I was bullied as a child when I moved to a new school -- simply because I was small. We have to make bullying 'un'cool. We have to make bullies look bad and give kids tools to stop it. It is not easy. I think the bullies also need lots of help. – WRX Jan 14 '17 at 15:51
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If you have talked with the principal, then:

  • Write a letter to the principal mentioning that you talked to him or her but you were not satisfied, and copy the teacher, the School Board and the parent (send that letter through the classroom teacher). Do not lie or exaggerate even a little tiny bit. Ask for a response in writing. Also ask what the policy is and what they are doing to help your child. That way you have a record. The School Board will especially be on alert.
  • Give your child the gift of language. She should respond to bullying, especially if there is an audience with something like, "You are trying to bully me. I am not going to accept that. Are you (other students/witnesses) going to allow X to bully us? I do not want to tell on X, but I will if I have no choice."
  • Be careful with accusing kids. Your child must try not be a tattle tale - telling is not a good first resort -- but is necessary if your child is unable to stop the bullying.
  • Remind your child that if she sees someone being bullied, the fastest 'cure' to to stand beside them. It is not important to speak, just to stand there. If she has just one friend who will stand beside her, it will do a lot.
  • Be specific with the classroom teacher. Ask for your child to have a buddy for these situations.
  • Ask the school to share bullying information. There are films and books available to help stop bullying in schools. LINK - Books, perhaps you could buy one for the class. If you Google 'stop bullying movies', there are a ton of useful movies that the school can show and use.

    It is said that bullies are kids that have been bullied. It might be true, but sympathy doesn't change anything. I am not suggesting that your child retaliates by hitting, but taking just one step closer to the bully is a way to clearly show that your child is not intimidated. It says that: "I am not going to accept that." If the child does attempt to hit your child, your child should yell and run. Yes, she should. There will be witnesses and having a witness means she will not be standing alone.

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    Adding a thought: If your child is small, it is important for her to see actions & be assured that way more then to be told/taught what to do. One way to "teach" effectively is role play the bully with her & help her prepare how to respond, verbally, spatially/physically (move away, ignore, call attention by spatially isolate the bullying). My kids were bullied because of the sushi they brought for lunch. It was to the point they went home with the lunch uneaten. I sent letter, talked to the school, the parents, and role played with my kids. They enjoyed the role play & confronted the bully – người Sàigòn Jan 15 '17 at 14:02
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By teaching your daughter how beautiful, smart and kind she is.

This is a video of how one mother responded when her daughter came home from school crying because she was being bullied for her skin color. By teaching her daughter positive affirmations, she is giving her daughter the tools she needs to be less affected by any bullying she faces.

What strikes me about this approach is that it is not about handling the bully. This is important because you could change schools only to find that there is a bully at her new school as well. That is not to say that you shouldn't address it with the principal, by all means pursue whatever official avenues are available. It's just to point out that there will always be bullies--even as adults we face bullies. This is a way of building confidence in your daughter so that she will trust in who she is rather than let a bully dictate what she believes about herself.

Good luck.

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Tell her to be proud of her race and keep the head up even if she does not feel confident, learn about your native culture with her. Be strict and respond to him offensively.

  • Bullying goes beyond race, though. This child needs more than to be proud of her race -- she needs tools to use in the face of bullying that will protect her. She might not even be being bullied over race. It might well be the excuse the bully used, but the real reasons could be varied. "Be strict and respond to him offensively." I am not even sure what this means, but if you are suggesting she hits, then I completely disagree. The only time violence is the answer is when there is absolutely no other choice. – WRX Jan 19 '17 at 20:21
  • By offensive I meant that talking to him assertively will a lot of times help – Yakov Entin Jan 21 '17 at 23:00

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