17 Year Old Moving Out or Staying Home? [closed]

Question

I'm 17 years old, progressing through High School and a local ATC.

I have had some typical "Grr teenager" problems in the past that I really think I've moved past. I don't get into big fights with my parents, although I do have heated conversations with them from time to time.

While my parents insist otherwise, I feel the only option post-high school will be to move out, get a car/utilize public transit and finish out my ATC schooling before moving on to a college. They have said in the past I am welcome to continue living with them, but here's the problem: we don't see eye to eye on some key points.

This is mostly due to me having different religious views than my parents, and the way that they raised me. They're very disappointed, and as much as it hurts to see that, I get that part of being an adult is doing things regardless of social pressures.

So where is this all leading to? you might ask. Well, I feel if I stay at home, I will still be treated like a child, for example, I would still be expected to arrive home before curfew. This is an example and I'm trying not to be specific.

The obvious con to moving out is it will cost me. Nobody else is going to be paying for me in the future, but is it worth it to really be the person I am? Right now, I'm going through the motions and living as a "character" if you will: something my parents are ok with that won't get me severely punished, etc.

Thoughts and advice?

Answer 1

Will you be 18 when you are planning to move out?

As dumb as it sounds, this actually does matter. Most contracts are harder to sign as a minor (even one that is a high school graduate), and having a job that allows you to work enough hours to pay for a place to live, transportation, food, etc. are hard to come by if you're not 18 yet (I learned this all the hard way, when I moved out at 17).

You could try a middle ground, at least until you're 18 -- work with your parents to create a sort of "lease agreement." You rent your bedroom, basically. Decide on an affordable rate and things like whether you'll supply your own food (and maybe get a mini-fridge for your food) or contribute to the household food fund, and include in the agreement that you are to be treated as an adult and "child rules" like curfew do not apply. In return, pay them on time and don't abuse the "freedom" (ie - don't go out drinking and come home drunk or other stupid stuff like that that demonstrates to your parents that you're not responsible).

Answer 2

General advice: At 18, I had life figured out. At 36, I realize I was just beginning to learn.

You describe your parents as dissapointed in you, that may be true. But that doesn't mean that they don't love you. With time and communication, no difference is irreconcilable.

if I stay at home, I will still be treated like a child

That is true. You will continue to be their child and they'll continue to try to tell you what to do. Moving out may help them see you as more of an adult.

My advice is, set your differences aside for a moment (even if your parents can't), have a good talk with your parents telling them that you love them and that you need some room to figure yourself/your life/things out. Don't burn any bridges and leave open the possibility of moving back in if things change. Then move out and keep in touch.

Answer 3

I moved out on my 18th birthday because my parents would give me no room to make mistakes. So I had to work full time in order to go to university part time. It took me nearly 20 years to pay it all back, but I was happy and independent.

That said, if I had simply waited one year, they would have paid for everything and might even have contributed to me living in res.

It took me years to grow up enough to recognise that I had time and that they had my best interests at heart. I had to be mature enough to forgive them for doing what they believed to be best. It is fine to disagree with people. It is how we do that that makes us informed and capable of learning.

Standing up to someone if fine, but sometimes we have to give in because they have more authority, they are the boss, or they control the money. You have to be mature enough to decide if you are truly willing to give up parental support and understand that if you leave, they do not have to pick up the pieces if you fail.

So if I had it to do again, I would have tried one more year. I would not have been as confrontational as I was. Being honest is not the same as telling parents everything and expressing every thought or opinion. I do not have to think what someone else thinks, but I am not obliged to tell them that. Think it out before you share.