How should children/teens/young adults be treated with regards to meeting their sperm donor? As in, should they be allowed to do this, encouraged to do this or discouraged from it.

This is assuming the child already knows he was conceived from a donation and desires to meet his donor. This also assumes the donor would be willing for the wellbeing of the child.

  • 3
    I am not certain I understand your question. "Be treated" seems like you want to know if it's okay for them to want to meet their 'donor'. Is it okay with that donor and the parents? If you want to know how to discuss it? Do you want to introduce them and are looking for opinions?
    – WRX
    Jan 10, 2017 at 17:44
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    Yes - please clarify. I think this could be an interesting question after an edit.
    – Stephie
    Jan 10, 2017 at 17:57
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    It would be a more helpful edit if you answered the questions in the comments. Does the donor want to meet the children? Who instigated what? Etc. Thanks! Jan 10, 2017 at 19:02

1 Answer 1


If the child is asking to meet the donor and if the donor wants to meet the child, then I am still unsure what you are asking. You don't force them. The parents decide first and then the child is given a real choice.

How do you prepare a child for anything? You talk it out. You allow them to ask questions and you give them truthful and full answers.

When I was a child, I had a disease that meant I would likely end up in a wheelchair. At nine years of age, a doctor suggested surgery that would put me into a wheelchair for a year. This would be years before I would end up in a chair and might 'backfire', putting me in a chair years ahead of time. Hard decision for a nine year old.

So, my parents told me the truth. I was walking and would walk for 5 to 6 more years. The doctor was the best in his field and truly thought he could make me wheelchair free 'forever' if I did this. My parents had done all the research and there was a 20% chance that I would never walk again. Ever. At nine.

I was under no pressure to go ahead. My parents had decided 'yes', but they would not force me because it was a lifestyle choice, not life and death. They highly recommended that I go ahead. The doctor was concerned at doing the surgery before I was 12. I can no longer remember the reason for that. This way back in 1960, so it might not be a reason of importance by today's medical standards. BTW, the doctor went on to head the hospital -- the largest in Canada. He was a very good man. With all the information, I decided to go ahead. It was a hard and scary choice and I was in a wheelchair for 11 months. My entire school got involved because I could only go to school on the ground floor. Major life choice made by a nine year old with lots of information and help from my parents. (Total success -- great choice -- never again in a wheelchair. I still have physical problems, but they never stopped me. I can walk!)

Nine year olds can made hard decisions, but with family support and information.

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