Im 16, and Im going into year 11. I'm sometimes an asshole to some people and I know it. I know that I'm lazy, badly organized and unmotivated. I want you people here to know, I have matured a bit, and I know what I'm talking about. I'm not asking you guys for help, not because I'm lazy and because I can't be bothered to converse with him and "Get to know him". The reason why I'm asking for help is because every day in home is insanity. This kid can't even state what's wrong with him like I can. I don't think It's his pride or ego, Its just that he doesn't understand and know when he is being an absolute asshole, doesn't concentrate on any of the crap he gives to the family and picks out other tiny mistakes of other members of the family to justify his reaons (which still doesn't make sense.

Before I get into any further details about what happens in my house let me explain a bit about my brother. He is a hyperactive kid at school most of the times that plays handball and converses alot, just like a normal 13 year old kid. He then gets tired easily and raises his voice and gets unreasonable. To what extent you ask? The examples would be given in next paragraphs. He plays a lot of games, has a small group of friends who mostly has gone through alot (parents divorce).

You can get to him very easy. And when he is mad, he makes near no sense. He startes arguing illogically and gets really loud and annoying which is very lethal now as my dad has gone through heart surgery making high blood pressure a ticket for a 3 week trip to the hospital or more.

Here is a typical scenario, which isn't the worst, or anywhere near the worse. after we watch a movie and decide to go out to the park, we get all dressed. As we leave, we realise its raining. Everyone laughs it off but my brother gets mad and starts talking in a very annoying tone which he was told a couple of million times not to. Now, it is very easy to get critical, which is important but it is also important that you don't forget that you aren't that good of a person as well. Our whole family gets mad (real mad), my dad yells, slams his door, gets sick ( high blood pressure ) and Im just in my room feeling bad about my dear father. My brother then feels no guilt for what he has done ( he has been explained numerous times what damage he can do to dad ) and keeps blabbing on when my mum comes and tells him to take a shower. My mum, is a smart lady and doesn't confiscate objects and hit in return for respect but me being a big assholes, my brother being bigger, gives her very minimal. It is also evident that my dad is very sharp but does accept mistakes and wrong doings but doesn't like repeating things and disrespect like most other people. Back to my brother, he points out that I swore in the house couple of hour ago and how that made him mad and also how by dad telling him to talk in a normal tone made him mad, he also got mad about how my mum told him to calm down. He literally said that he is mad at mum because she makes him more mad when he is already mad (he gets mad at things like the weather and blows it out of proportion)

From my experience, when you argue when you are mad:

-You forget your points

-Become irrational

-Use fake (invalid) excuses

-And raise your voice

most of them, you can point it out when you see him mad.

I believe I have become a less of an asshole and really started to think. Think hard of why I have to live with this kind of crap happening in my life every day. I know some of you right now who even read this much will think 'you have it easy, boy' and I totally respect that, and if you are reasonable, I'll probably think 'yes you have had it way harder than me' but what people forget easily is that what I am going through with my brother and myself is the worst I have gone through in my whole 16 years that I have experienced in my life and I am thankful that I have my mind with me because if you lose it, you can't use it ( just like my brother ).

So a simple 6 point breakdown of my brother when he is mad

-He gets mad at stupid things

-He gets mad often

-He blows it out of proportion most of the time

-He has very irrational excuses

-He then acts real selfish

-Becomes annoying

Now my mum has worked her head out trying to get my brother to stop acting like an idiot but he is a bit like me and I can tell what's going to happen. He will realise he is an idiot from this and become mature. But he can't do that because if he actually does learn from what he has done, my dad will be in hospital.

Pleas help. My brother is real incompetent as i stated what he does. My mum wont change her ways of dealing with him as now i see that she is just avoiding him. I need your help.

You can try writing something for my mum to work on or some ideas for my brother and my mum. My mum is the only one that can help my brother change, I ain't his parent, I can't change him and my mum is losing her power to control him as well. If he goes at this rate, again, my dad will be at great risk.

Thank you. If you have any qestion just write here. tnx

  • 1
    You state that you were an asshole. Could it be that with only 3 years difference, he has mimicked you whilst growing up together? I remember when I was 13, I too was bad tempered, felt like nobody understood me and when I left school I matured just as you are starting too. I grew out of it, as do most people. It's called puberty and it hits some harder than others. I feel for you in all honesty and I wouldn't like to see my parents becoming ill but they are the ones that need to deal with this, not you. You have your own concerns to focus on. – Bugs Dec 14 '16 at 11:48
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    Welcome! What are you looking for? Support? Ideas to calm a person during an argument? Understanding puberty? Things for your mother to do? (Good luck with that.) Ideas on how you can deal with your brother? Ideas on how you support or encourage your mother? I hope we can help you. Have you read the other answers that talk about puberty or yelling on this site? – WRX Dec 14 '16 at 13:11
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    As the comments above show, it's not clear what exactly you're asking. Please edit to narrow your focus and keep it to one question. Thanks! – anongoodnurse Dec 14 '16 at 15:52

Has anyone in your family ever considered therapy? NOT because something is wrong with you, I want to make that clear here, but because "Dad had a heart-attack and may get another one if things are stressful" is a very stressful situation all by itself.
To me, it sounds like not only a 13-year-old bad at self-control, but like serious overreaction on everyone's part. So, he DOES take an annoying tone because of the weather... so what? Let him rage a bit.

You also claim that your brother feels no guilt... how do you know? Perhaps he does feel guilty, and that is WHY he rages on and on. It makes no logical sense, but you seem to be discovering for yourself that "being angry and stressed out" and "being logical" do not work at the same time.

Under most circumstances, I would say "that's puberty, it will work out over time", but with your concern over your dad, professional help may be a path to consider.

PS, because I feel this may just need pointing out:
Have you considered your brother may also be, plain and simply, scared and feeling alone and actually VERY guilty? His father has a serious medical condition. That is scary. And instead of finding comfort with his family, your brother is told how his behaviour makes things worse. Not a good place to be for an adult, let alone a 13-year-old!

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