TL;DR My mother isn't supportive and she doesn't seem to understand me. My family life is miserable and I don't know what to do about my situation. I know I should probably see a counselor but my parents aren't willing to support me in that and a counselor cannot change my parents' behavior. What can I do to improve my situation?
To prevent this from being downvoted into oblivion: I believe this post is on-topic (see this meta post) and I'd ask anyone to please read to the end before downvoting. I've put a lot of time and effort into this post and I don't know what to do about my situation.
Bit of background info, my parents have a successful marriage and we're a family of 7. A 14-year-old boy (me), 12-year-old girl, 10-year-old boy, 6-year-old girl and infant baby, all except aforesaid baby and myself being homeschooled by our mother. I understand that so many children cause stress on the parental units but I don't feel this is an excuse for being hateful.
My good qualities: things I feel my parents should be proud of (but they aren't)
- I'm an advanced piano player. I've submitted work to a studio and it's "likely to show up in some production or other within a year". But whenever I practice my compositions on the piano I always hear from my mother that it's "sloppy" or "too bangy".
- I'm a good runner. I'm a freshman and I'm top 100 in the state of Oregon (out of over a thousand) for Cross Country. I'm 5th on my team and I have a 5K time of nearly 18 minutes. When I get home from a meet my mom usually ignores me and my dad grills me on my run*.
- I get good grades. I have a 3.7 GPA. I'm taking Precalculus as a Freshman and I "attend" an online school (which is said to be more challenging as students have to manage their own time). I had a C for about two weeks - my mother threatened to pull me out of school and homeschool me again. My father threatened to put me in a public school.
*To be honest, I appreciate this as it's a good evaluation. But even so...
My less good qualities: Some struggles I have that I feel my parents should be helping me through
- ADHD. This is why I don't attend a public school. When I did I talked out in class and distracted the other students. Instead of getting me help, my mother rejected the "idea" that I had ADHD (although an fMRI showed that I did) and just pulled me out of the school.
- Depression. I haven't suffered from this for many years but I attained it when my mother was abusive. In my current situation I'm pretty sure it's coming back because of how terrible my family life has been for the past few months.
- Headaches/migraines. I suffer from a medical condition that causes constant headaches and the occasional severe migraine. I can't handle loud noises or unnecessary constant movement, such as that from a small child. My 12-year-old sister constantly prances about, singing and shouting as if she's an 8-year-old. When I "look upon her with disdain" or ask her to calm down my mother rebukes me, saying I can handle it.
The downright crap about me/us: Severe trials I've gone through in the past
- Crimes and court. I don't see any need to go into detail but I made a mistake that got me into the juvenile court systems for a few years. I understand that it was stressful to my parents and financially shaking, but I don't think they understand how big of an impact it had on my life too. It has caused quite a lot of trouble but I got no parental support when I needed it the most.
- (previous) pornography 'addiction'. I haven't had this problem for a year. We're a religious family in which this is seen as a serious misdoing. I didn't see it on purpose at first but it caused a few years' worth of bad habits. I don't think this has made me a very good person in the eyes of my mother.
- Abuse. A few years ago my mother was very physically abusive (she isn't anymore). She hit, kicked, pulled hair, etc. I know this hasn't helped our relationship much...
Other possibly useful information:
- I do chores at home. I do all the typical chores such as dishes, taking out the trash, and sweeping. But instead of ever being thanked for helping with the family, instead I am criticized about my "bad job" every single time.
- I have an advanced social life. I don't feel spiteful towards the entire world, just mostly towards my home. I have a supportive girlfriend and some great 'bros' that are always there to listen to/help me through my struggles. But after spending a fun afternoon with friends and returning home my parents will always make me feel down again.
- I don't have much self-esteem. Due to the constant criticism of my mother and bullies at church, I don't think very highly of myself. I don't do self-harm but I don't see many reasons to esteem myself as a great person.
After all this, what I'm getting at is: Aside from counseling (which is no longer an option), what can I do to improve my situation at home? Is it normal for parents to treat me this way? If, in the case that the problem lies in me (as I'm constantly hearing), what can I do to improve my relationship with my mother/family?
EDIT: Thanks to everyone for your help! I appreciate all suggestions given. I accepted the answer I did because it contained the advice that seemed to start the most change in my family over the past few days. Thanks for your support!