I'm having a hard time right now dealing with my son's father. We are both 27 and I met him 2 years ago. I also have an 8-year-old-daughter whose father is not in her life. I raised her on my own and her father told me from the beginning he wasn't going to be around and I accepted that and created a beautiful life with her.
When I was 4 months pregnant (with his baby) I found out he had slept with a 16 year old (he was 25 at the time). In Canada (where we live) the age of consent is sadly, 16. I was mortified when I found out, because it goes against everything I know to be morally right. I later then found out that when he was 19 he dated a 15 year old for a couple of years.
When we were together the first time, I left my son and his father together for a weekend. I came back to lots of porn on the computer, which is attached to the TV in the living room. But that's not the most disturbing part; it's the fact that he watches Youtube music videos and gets off to them.
Now, my daughter likes to watch those types of music videos for the music, and it just highly disturbs me to know he gets off to that, and not knowing where my son was when he was doing it is another thing that really bothers me. I also found that he was watching porn on my daughter's iPad, which I pretty much begged him not to do in the beginning as I don't need my daughter seeing such things. He did his best to delete it, but come on, where are his morals?
Unfortunately, his mother did not raise him properly, and he has such a disrespect for women. He likes things done his way, and if it's not done that way he gets mad. When we were together as well he had a problem staring at women (the young ones with barely any clothing on), I brought it up many times and he said he knows he does it and that he will stop and he never did. He would say things like "I was never taught to not stare," and "it's harder to not stare," and "I don't even know I'm doing it". However, he's not abusive in any way towards me or the children.
This relationship left me with zero self confidence but that is besides the point; it's not about our relationship; it's about him and his child's relationship.
My major concern is the fact that he has never gotten help for the way he was raised, the fact that several times he has told me he knows he needs help. He says he doesn't like the person he is, and doesn't want to be that way anymore, but he still hasn't gone to get help.
It worries me that he will one day look at my daughter sexually because of his enjoyment of younger girls, and if not my daughter then her friends.
I also fear that our son will learn his ways of disrespecting women and thinking it's ok to take advantage of young girls for his own sexual wants.
We separated 2 weeks ago. Yesterday he started asking to see the kids. If this goes to court, I can't see a judge taking any of my concerns into consideration as it's all speculation, but I truly do just want my kids to be happy and be raised in a healthy environment.
I in no way want him out of the picture. I want him to be a positive role model for his son, and even though he wants to be in my daughter's life, I have a very hard time with that right now, especially since he has told me twice now that he loves my daughter more than he loves his own son who is now 7 months old. That is not something I enjoyed hearing. He has a massive family too, and I have no family just me and my kids and I just want the best for them.
I guess my question is whether or not I should let my kids near him.
Am I just being selfish or are my concerns actually legitimate? Because I do truly feel he needs help of some sort to not only become a happier person (he never laughs!) but to become a positive role model to his child that can protect him and show him the right path in life. Any help would be greatly appreciated.