My adult son, who is 21, expects me to do everything he wants. He takes no responsibility for his actions, instead always finding a way to put the blame on me and or others.
For example, he brought a dog with him when he moved back in "for a few weeks" (right). Recently I asked him to clean up his pup's poop from our hallway (his pup is house trained but was ignored.) His response: "Can't you do it? You saw it first." Then he followed this by saying he would after he finished his cigarette and game.
I explained to him when he moved back home (completely free) that he had to tend to his dog when he's not at work. Oh, he was fine with it then.
All my son's childhood was a struggle for me. A struggle for respect which I never got (he says I must earn it.) And he says not to piss him off because if I do, be prepared for his rage; he will stop at nothing to bury me.
He will tell lies and make it all about me, and in the end he will move out and all of it will be my fault.
Edited to add:
I will admit I've become a push over, but in the past I was not. I've had him arrested at 16 for shoving me into the wall outside of our house. When caught doing wrong by the police, I was told it wasn't bad enough to arrest (though he was cuffed at the time!)
I have called the cops for him setting fires in my garage; they just told me to beat his a##. I did the whole "if you do this you will lose (example his games)", so he walked in his room, bagged it up, and handed it to me, saying, "You're gonna eventually take them so here."
He's very intelligent and plays the polite role in front of others. The last time I called the cops in June, he immediately called them as well, stating I was suicidal and that he feared for my life. They came and spoke to us and did nothing, so I left the family member's house where we were and the cops asked, "Are you just gonna leave him here?" I said, yes he's 21 and an adult, and you can't force me take him with me.
I know I have to stand up to him but it's exhausting. Also my husband (not his father) finally had enough and put him out for his disrespect and abusive attitude towards me.
I guess I need to be the one to change and stop trying to apologize for things I didn't do even if he believes I did. For example, he blames me for being an "absent parent". I had a normal job, was gone during school hours.
He acts very entitled and dosen't respect boundaries at all. He has treated his ex wife this way as well. It seems to be towards women mostly.
I just want him to grow up and have a happy and healthy life. I'm not here to place all the blame on my son. I'm here to gain knowledge about what I can do to change myself, and hopefully help my son help himself.
A little background information: I was 15 when my son was born he was conceived through non-consensual sex (just once). His father was 21 and not a nice person. He was violent towards me physically, mentally, and emotionally through my 13 to 16. He has not been involved in my son's life since his first year. My son had no knowledge about how he was conceived; I hid that from him because I thought it might hurt him. My son was diagnosed at age 5 with ADHD.
I notice that my safety has been mentioned a lot in comments and need to clarify that he is no longer in my home. My husband had enough; my son left but not before pushing my husband (well trying to anyway.) My son's leaving never goes smoothly; it's always a 2 hour or more event full of verbal attacks, usually all towards me unless someone speaks up for me (then they become part of his attack as well.) I'm afraid one day he won't know when to stop.