I'm a 23 years old girl with aspergers living with my parents. I used to live on my own, studied and had a job. Stuff went terribly wrong. My grades were bad, I was poor (my parents couldn't support me and running my own company didn't result in very stable pay, if I had pay at all) and I simply didn't have enough time in the day to study, work and take care of myself. On top of that, my boyfriend was mentally abusive.

I made some drastic choices. I moved across the country back to my parents. I abandoned my friends, the city I lived in, everything that had been my adult life to live in this rural town 40 kilometers from university. Luckily there's a bus.

Things are actually going okay now. I've broken up with my ex, I'm recovering from the depression previous events left me in, met an amazing new guy, started a bachelor degree in IT, I'm getting good grades, I'm gonna graduate next year, I've got an amazing job offer, couldn't be better.

Except this job offer is two hours away from here. And full time. Like every other job offer I've got. I cannot possibly accept that without severely endangering my studies. I've been looking at jobs in town too. There's no jobs around in IT. The town is too small. I looked in the university's town too. That has 3 or so IT companies. Of course I applied to all of them. Same story, full time or they already hired a classmate. (I live on an island, the university is on another one. All very rural. It has 4000 students total, to show the scale of all of this. The town has 40.000 inhabitants.)

My studies are the kind where I have class one or two days a week and I have to plan the rest myself, including client meetings. So I spend a lot of time at home. In this time I try to do chores around the house. But to be honest, these chores are already costing me a lot of time I cannot spend on my studies. I may be home, but I need to study too. We have a 6 person household with 4 people working full time, 2 students and a dog. I basically have to take care of the whole household at this point.

My parents keep pushing me to find a job. I have job offers lining up, I've got my graduation internship arranged, but I do not believe I can take a job without endangering my studies at this point. I have one year left. September next year I can start working. How can I explain this to my parents?

  • I suggest you make an appointment to see a guidance counselor at your college. A college guidance counselor (that might not be what it's called -- but hopefully you get the idea) may be able to help you with your academic and employment planning, as well as figuring out how to present your plan to your parents. Oct 28, 2016 at 0:54
  • If you are not working how do you have money to live and attend a university? How are you paying rent to your parents? For the record, most definitions have you as an adult not an adolescent.
    – Pete B.
    Oct 28, 2016 at 9:26
  • @PeteB. I've got a grant. And sorry, not a native speaker.
    – Belle
    Oct 28, 2016 at 9:54
  • If your grant is sufficient to pay your living expenses and your university bill then perhaps you should just move out. Its difficult for an adult child to move back in with parents for both parties.
    – Pete B.
    Oct 28, 2016 at 11:47
  • 2
    The explanation you've given us as to why you can't get a job now seems like a good start. Have you tried something similar with your parents? If so, how did that go?
    – Becuzz
    Oct 28, 2016 at 12:16

1 Answer 1


I think what you wrote in the question is a very good explanation. If you want to make it short, condense it to something like:

I want to finish my studies quickly and with good grades, so I can get a good job afterwards. Studying requires time, and therefore please understand that I am prioritizing stuying over working right now. I am trying to find a job that is practical to combine with my studies, but that is difficult and not my main priority.

At the same time, talk to your parents to find out why they are pushing you to find a job now. Are they worried you are slacking off? Worried you are not getting work experience? Is money tight? Do they want to see an effort from you to help out with the family situation?

Try to resolve this conflict (if it is one) my listening to and understanding their motivation. They are your parents, so they probably want the best for you :-).

On a practical note:

If you are looking for a small side job that is easy to schedule and interesting, have you considered private tutoring? I used to do this as a pupil and student, and I found it quite interesting (and even learnt something myself). As an IT student, you should have enough knowledge to tutor in maths and computer science for school pupils and possible even beginners at a university. You could do it as free-lance work, or at a tutoring school (if you have such things), or even as volunteer work.

  • As a person with Asperger's the OP would likely find tutoring to be an ill fitting job.
    – Myles
    Oct 31, 2016 at 19:56

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