My 3-year-old son acts very arrogantly, throwing things and shouting loudly, to people who oppose him for whatever he does.
How can I teach him not to do this?
The first thing to remember is that he is 3. He's at a stage where he is learning about emotions, how to interact with others and how to express his own desires and preferences. And like most toddlers, expressing himself, especially when he isn't getting what he wants, comes in the form of shouting "NO" and sometimes violence. Remember to be understanding and calm with him. This is your time as a parent to help him through a frustrating time and teach him appropriate behavior.
When he begins to act out, your first step should be to eliminate any danger he poses to himself or others. That might involve taking away anything he could throw or removing him from the situation to someplace more peaceful. Next, get him calmed down. That might be talking to him or giving him a hug.
Once he's calm, talk to him. Acknowledge his feelings of frustration ("I realize you are angry because you can't have a cookie"). This helps him learn the vocabulary to express himself. Then make it clear that the way he reacted isn't appropriate ("Even though you are angry, we don't throw things, that could hurt Mommy"). Then show him an appropriate outlet for his feelings ("When you get angry, tell me you are mad and why" or "next time you feel angry, try going into another room and giving your teddy bear a hug"). Finally, give him a hug and assure him you still love him. It's important for him to understand that while you aren't pleased with his behavior, you still care about him.
Also, try to model appropriate behavior when you can. When you get angry, talk to yourself so he can hear what is going on in your head. "When that guy cut me off in his car, that made me so mad. But I'm going to take 3 deep breaths and let it go." Toddlers imitate their parents. Give him a good example to mimic.
Just as a reminder, this won't get fixed in one go. You will have to do this a lot before it gets resolved (and he moves on to something else that will drive you nuts). Just keep at it and be consistent. You'll get through it.
The number thing in I found in parenting is
Keep yourself calm
Consistency. My advice extablish a routine of how you react, because it is too late to start when a toddler begins reaching for things they should not by saying no, no a firm tap on hands, not hitting them then go on to other things
Respect your child, never scream at them for doing things, remain calm
NEVER laugh at him if he misbehaves
You will need lots of patience, and if you ignore this problem he will get the idea a tantrum is an ok way to grab your attention
I would be sure there is something in his room to play with before you take him to his room because you do not want him to think its a reward... put him in his room and close door. Before putting him in his room move out anything he could hurt himself with. Place him on bed or on floor Talking to him owrpet or rug andsay this is no way to act. You may come out when you are ready to behave. Immediately walk out and close door..be prepared for crying or whatever else he may do...
After a few times of consistency being calm and doing this....it should subside...When he is calm or wakes from a nap later (he may get bored with no audience) take him in lap and rock him, tell him you love him very much amd that his behavior will result in being shut in his room. Ask him after he is calm 2 questions: why he would rather act this way than to be playing and having fun. What he woul think if you fell in the floor screaming instead of letting know what was wrong. This must be done softly never joking or as though you do not expect an answer. Sometimes an unexpected calmresponse lets him know you are in control and this is important
A brother deals with having foster children from all backgrounds. One the get a new girl age 6 or 7 the day before we were going o afun trip where kids (his grandchildren, nieces, and the girl) would get to ride around with us in woods in golf carts...She periodically jumped up ab down crying for no reason, maybe all the strangers to her??? After winner roast and marshmallows we went inside, and she was standing near me whwn startered same behavior,,,i quietly asked she would to sit ib my lap and she crawled up ,,,after a bit she was calm and i tolh, i have a question for you. Why do you not want to have fun like everyone else? No one here is going to hurt you. If you will not jump up and down anymore, you can have fun like everyone else is doing. She nodded and let me rock her maybe 20 min longer, then crawled out of lapand no more jum[ing up and down cryibg,,,the calm caring words assured her she would be ok. Later my bro thanked ne, and said they found the problem later was she thought she was being taken where she would never see her mother again, Children are small people who need calmness from adults