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My almost 8 year old is a smart boy at school, is a role model and "a stabilising influence" on kids with anger issues (according to the school, so he sits next to troubled kids). Our problem is that he turns into a monster if he doesn't get his way at home, throwing things around, saying he is getting annoyed, just like these 2 kids in his class who are on the autistic spectrum do.

I wonder if he thinks this behaviour will be rewarded, as the school does give quiet time, etc. to these 2 children, but it becoming unbearable for me. I would appreciate your advice on this. Thank you.

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  • I'm unclear on the last part of your question. You seem to suggest that "quiet time" is given as a "reward". Can you elaborate on that? – mattdm Oct 8 '16 at 17:32
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    Also: how often does this happen at home? Several times a day? Once a day? Twenty times a day? Every day? A couple of times a week? – mattdm Oct 8 '16 at 17:33
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Students on the autism spectrum are given "quiet time" by competent schools not as a reward, but to permit them psychological recovery from what to them are the very high stresses of being exposed to a classroom full of neurotypical kids.

It is possible that your son is a "stabilizing influence" on these other students because your son also has some of the same characteristics. In this case, it may be a good idea to give your son some quiet time as well, especially immediately after a full school day of having to deal with other kids.

It's also probably a good idea to try to have some open minded discussions of the issues with your son. In these discussions, you should stay away from saying anything judgemental or talking about consequences; the idea would be to find out what his point of view of these situations are, and not trying to get him to behave more as you would like.

It's hard to provide any more specific suggestions without knowing more details of your situation.

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I don't have any experience on the autism side of things so I can't comment there. I observe similar behaviour of my 7 year old when she has not been engaged in an activity that fully envelops her OR involves the family. We make it a point to have such activities accessible (i.e. she can get them without an adult) and scheduled for her to remain engaged. On school days, 2 activities at 30 minutes tends to be enough. These include reading, doing work for Brownie badges, tag / chase / monster-monster, math/puzzle activity books, coloring pages and board games.

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