My daughter (age 5) has ADHD and ODD and a disorder I forget, but basically issues because of her AWOL dad. He has past charges of smoking Marijuana in front of her. This is Pennsylvania, where it's illegal. She knows what "drugs" are and told me about a month later. He just got in trouble months back for beating and tattooing another inmate while he was unconscious after the judge gave him a warning to behave. He's been in jail countless times. Paid child support once. Always leaves her with a sitter instead of cherishing his weekends with her. He doesn't stay on the agreements. He has taken her from my home and not given her back into my care until I call the police who say they can't involve themselves even though we had custody in a now-over PFA I had against him.

He is to be released in October. I had to ask the jail to refuse mail and phone calls from him because he threatened me and my husband. He's the smart stupid. He knows as long as he doesn't mention that he can and would harm our child, physically or mentally, or that he will take her and move out of state, that I have no grounds to have his parental rights revoked. He convinces his family into getting my daughter to go see him. They ask her before me so I am the bad guy if I say no. He claims I keep him from being in her life but he kept doing and selling drugs. Showed up to probation drunk a day I was taking her to see him. He is always in and out of jail and even put hot sauce on her tongue when she was two because she "talked back". She always begs me to see him and says she loves him. His separation and her knowing too much about him thanks to nosey family has caused her to be unruly and everytime we get her to a positive point he breaks her heart.

I'm currently attempting full custody. Am I right in this? Do I have a strong enough case to want this for her? I never would remove him totally because that's her decision when she is older. But he shows no urge to fix himself and I feel he should not be able to make any decisions in her life. I know he will try to take her when he gets out and is served with custody papers. What precautions should I take legally, if any?

For the record she wouldn't even know him from the guy at Walmart if I didn't keep pushing their relationship the whole time. She thought my roommate's poster of wiz Kalfia two years ago was him, and later thought some guy at McDonalds was. All she knows and loves of him is because I let her have photos and I tell her stories painting him as good. I've recently stopped talking about him all together because he hasn't showed interest in being a real father in five years. I don't want to encourage his fake attitude anymore. I can't keep painting for her. But it's even harder watching him lie to her and crushing her over and over.

He has a history of drugs, violence, guns, and more. My current fiance (husband in 4 weeks) has fathered her for 2 1/2 years. (He was her friend first easing into their relationship). Because of her love for her bio dad she will yell at me and tell me no matter wants to see him because of what he tells her. Am I wrong for taking his choices in her life away? He hasn't proved he can parent at all.

  • 1
    Your situation sounds very serious, and I think you should seek some professional help.
    – Mikiko
    Sep 2, 2016 at 5:06
  • I don't want him removed from her life totally. Just his free reign to do what he wants with her. No more drugbhouses.addicts and lies.he lies about what county theyare in and with who.
    – A.S.B
    Sep 2, 2016 at 5:12
  • I've tried and gotten nothing from anyone. I've already started full custody process I'm just worried it's either not enough or will hurt her later in life or she will hate me for it
    – A.S.B
    Sep 2, 2016 at 5:14
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    I'm not a professional and I don't want any of my comments to lead you and your family in a wrong direction. But in my opinion, as long as her real father is involved with drugs, guns, etc..., I don't think you should let him see your daughter without at least your supervision...
    – Mikiko
    Sep 2, 2016 at 5:20
  • 1
    There is no one that you could go to for help? Like a social worker or a family counselor?
    – Mikiko
    Sep 2, 2016 at 5:21

2 Answers 2


I'm a father who tends to think the legal system is biased in favor of the mother, but in this case, assuming that you are not involved in drugs and such yourself, I think you're right to seek full legal and physical custody. You might consider letting the father have supervised visitation only.

  • I am. I am also thankful for funding this site and all of your feedbacks, it's making me more content with my reasoning. His family and some of mine seem to think I have no right to question his ability to parent when I present them with facts and court hearings and evidence that is tangable I'm still wrong because "they share blood" im a young mom.I had her young I am only 22. It's humiliating and heart breaking.Im always afraid I'm not doing enough and I'm not keeping her safe enough. How do u protect your child from someone who is supposed to protect and love them?
    – A.S.B
    Sep 3, 2016 at 18:41
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    I think supervised visitation might be the appropriate way of giving him a chance to show he can make himself worthy of her while keeping her safe.
    – Warren Dew
    Sep 3, 2016 at 22:01
  • @WarrenDew: Yes, exactly. You can always decide to allow unsupervised contact later, once the supervised visitation has given enough confidence... or not, if not.
    – sleske
    Mar 17, 2017 at 12:45

Thank you for your input ! I apreciate it.I just got notified by his mother that he has been seeing a councilor and he requests a visit with me to talk to him like an adult about his daughter. Aparently his most recent hearing has him in line to be sent upstate to state prison and not the jail he was supposed to be released from in october. I have mixed feelings on it but I am defiantly continuing with full custody and am going to have an open mind to what he has to say.supervised visits after his release in whatever time that will be is the safest and best option. Thank you. Before this forum I wasn't sure if I was making the right choice and now I feel that as her mom I know what is best.

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