Are these strange communication habits of urban teenagers normal?

Question

Being a teenager now, unlike when I was young, has some differences regarding communication regarding mobile phones / internet.

I have noticed some strange behavior in teenagers (around 15), which I find a bit baffling.

It's a mix of small things, so will list in dot point.

• Plans for meeting/catching up are often very vague/unknown, right up until the event.
• Counterintuitively, contacting others seems to be quite hit-and-miss. When an event is disorganized - suggesting "Why don't you call them to find out whats going on", often gets some reply like...
  "he doesn't check his phone" or "she's lost her phone".
• A related issue, after-school classes, younger staff there may - for example, post on facebook when the stating times for the class change (with very little notice).
  Not considerate of people who have to travel a long way, or plan lifts ahead of time!.
• Teenagers often don't know each other's home-phone numbers (of course it's increasingly common not to have a land-line),
  nevertheless - if they do, there may be anxiety associated to calling them...
  (had calls where they person who called did not feel comfortable to talk so just hung up). Later I was told a friend called but was 'too shy' to speak.

In short, my impression is that many teenagers accept fluid (read haphazard) plans where they don't like to commit to activities and instead choose to "play it by ear", since this is now an option; further, there are so many forms of communication (phone, text, email, multiple social-media sites), that ignoring them is accepted too.

I'm told by my teenager that this is "normal".

So my questions:

• Is this change in behavior normal/common, have others noticed this?
• Is this something that parents should try to prevent/mitigate?

---

Notes:

• Phone calls are just one way to communicate, and I get that there are all sorts of apps... however the result seems to be that young people (in my anecdotal experience) have problems contacting each other reliably/effectively.
• The teenagers otherwise seem fairly well adjusted and outgoing (involved in theater, sports, music).
• This seems to be the case for both boys and girls.
• Not sure how this question comes across, but this isn't about being a control freak, knowing if someone is/isn't visiting (e.g., should we get extra food, or tidy the the house :), isn't so unreasonable).

Answer 1

I think you are interpreting things slightly differently to the way I would.

When I was young, there was no mobile communication device, so you planned your meetings carefully, sometimes with backup plans, otherwise you just wouldn't meet your friends.

Nowadays there are so many ways to connect that it really doesn't matter if plans change, diversions happen etc. Even I now don't plan accurately, knowing I'll be able to turn up somewhere and communicate - possibly instantly, possibly delayed, but effective enough either way. The thing is that what you see as being unreliable or ineffective just isn't the case. It's just more relaxed because technology has removed the need to be so prescriptive.

But all through my life, most of the families I knew (mine included) would get unexpected visitors, sometimes whole packs of kids would turn up unannounced, and they'd get fed and watered, and space would be found for them to sleep. This is not a new thing at all.

It definitely isn't something you should try and prevent, although I understand your concern that they may not be able to manage meetings or appointments that are strict, as they might have with a job interview or similar. Anecdotally, when advising my teenagers this, they are perfectly capable of hitting strict times when they want, so it's not even slightly a worry of mine.

Teenagers today communicate astonishingly well - they just use methods that aren't native to their parents' generation. It's normal. Don't panic.