Suddenly my six years old son lost interest for going to school

Question

My son is six years old.

We got him admitted at school when he was 3 & half, and he was so excited to go to school from the very first day.

He never bothered us for going to the school.

He used to wake up by himself in the morning no matter how late he slept at night.

But suddenly he doesn't like school any more & says that school timing is too long for him. I understand that now he is in KG-1, so his studies are getting tough gradually, so obviously a bit pressure on him. He starts yelling, crying in the morning if we try to wake him us and some times even hits his mom. It is a drastic change I can see in him.

Sometimes we make fake telephone calls in the morning at his friend's home & that creates a little interest in him to go to school, but now this idea is also not working any more.

I was so tough on him this morning and I hit him with a stick. Because today is the first day that he did not go to school not even after getting beaten up. He says his friends are not coming to school regularly so it's no big deal.

I usually never say no to him, whatever he asks for, day by day he is becoming too demanding. Sometimes he wants to buy unnecessary things that he even do not touch after bringing at home, he just buy it for the sake of buying.

I have another son, 2 & half years old. I am really worried and today i just gave up on my hopes, maybe somewhere, something is wrong.

My mother lives with us. My son takes full advantage of my mother's affection for him, since grandparents are really soft for in heart for kids.

I need your advice.

Answer 1

You didn't mention what country you are from. Here in the US, it is quite common and usual to see a therapist when you or your children are having behavior problems. Since you say he said "his friends are not coming regularly", and from the way you phrase things, I suspect you will not be in the US, so I don't know what your feelings are about therapy or if it is even available to you.

One thing you might do is speak to his teachers. Find out how he is doing in school. Is there something that happens there that he is afraid of? He may have told you that school was "too long" because he didn't want to say what the real problem is. If something is happening at school that is worse than being beaten with your stick, you should be responsible to find out what it is and help him deal with it. If my son were to suddenly object so violently to going to school after looking forward to it, I would strongly guess he is afraid.

If you cannot determine that there is anything bad at school, and it is just very hard for him, it might be that he has some sort of learning difficulty that makes school extra frustrating. This is also a case where his reactions may be based on fear. Children fear failure. Here is another area that his teachers could help you with. Ask them for things that you might do to help your son learn. Then, this is an opportunity to turn a disadvantage (grandmother with soft heart) into an advantage (tell her that her grandson needs her help with his learning and see if she will help).

If you can figure no other answer except that he does not like school, it is common knowledge that positive incentives work much better than negative ones. That means offering him rewards for good performance works much better than striking him for bad. You say "I usually never say no to him". Maybe now is a good time to do this. Rewards work better if they are not already getting everything they want.

(Remember, this is only if you have not found that he has a good reason for not wanting to go to school)

Sit him down and tell him, "I am sorry, but since you do not want to go to school any more, I cannot buy you any more special treats. There is a special deal between parents and children. The children go to school, and they are given treats by parents. From now on, you will have to earn your treats." Come up with a reward system. For example, each day that he goes to school he gets 5 points. If he goes without fussing, he gets an extra 5 points. When he gets reports from his teachers, reward him for doing well.

Do not give in to the temptation to give him treats if he does not earn them. It will also be difficult to get your mother to not "sneak" him rewards; maybe you can get her help in coming up with things which will earn him rewards, or which he can spend his rewards on. This will make her a partner with your intentions, rather than an obstacle.

I think it is better not to offer him rewards in terms of money, that way you can adjust his rewards to make things that are fun but good for him (healthy treats, fun things that don't cost a lot of money) less expensive than things which he likes but which are not good (candy, expensive toys that he doesn't need). For example, when my son asked for an apple in the store, I "charged" him one point, but a candy bar was fifteen points, even though both cost the same.

You may feel angry at the thought that you must "pay" him for things which he should be doing without reward, and I completely understand (I felt the same way at first, with my son) but anger is not productive and is quite harmful in any relationship. The thing you must ask yourself is "what is important"? If it is important to you that your son's behavior gets better, then please try this. It worked very well for me and is unlikely to cause harm.

Answer 2

Here is some simple advice.

1) Don't give up on your kids ever. This is doubly important at younger ages.

I never knew how little children understand until I had my own and my wife taught me. That leads me to number 2.

2) Learn about children, their deveopmental level, and how to interact with them. Find a class at a community center, church, or read online (being with people is best in my opinion).

Because children don't understand things the way we do we can get easily frustrated with them. However this brings me to point 3.

3) Don't beat or hit children just because you are frustrated.

We all get that overwhelmed feeling with our children at times. When you are angry is the exact wrong time to use physical punishment.

Finally, as an opinion, I offer this. As a parent you need to be a role model and authority figure for your children. At the same time you hopefully want to build a relationship of trust and love.

I'm not smart and so I try to think of how I act with my children in that simple way - authority and love. I try to balance my actions and think of them in those 2 simple categories.

I hope that gives you a little help and encouragement. Those two little lives will be greatly impacted by the effort and care you put into them!