My daughter, in the past 6 months has been displaying severe anger. When a toy doesn't come together, if she doesn't get her way... she throws herself on the floor and starts kicking and screaming. Now, they tell me that she is purposely going after the teachers to kick them. Before, the teachers would get hurt because they would attempt to physically remove her. To this, I thought... "well leave her alone and eventually she'll stop". Like in many articles I've read: "Ignore the child when throwing a tantrum". At her daycare they have worked with me in strategies to deal with these situations, to no avail.
At first, we decided that if she misbehaves at school then the consequences would be dealt with at school. Before, when they told me she had a "bad day", I would ground her. But it wasn't fair that she would be punished all day for it. I implemented the "marble system"... that worked for a whole week. I had to include my 6yr old son, because he felt left out. Since he's 90% of the time good, she felt it was a competition... and when a marble would be taken away she would lightly punch her head and say "I'm a dumb dumb". I explained to her that she is not a dumb dumb, she just has to make better choices. I read her "Sometimes I'm bumbaloo", book about a turtle and another book about how it's ok to be angry, but stop and think. I've told her to "blow bubbles"..."squeeze her fists tight and stop and think.
We started w/spanking, then to taking away toys, to privileges being taken away... Now, I try to talk to her with a calm and loving manner. I've even cried in front of her when I'm frustrated... she expresses concern, guilt and regret, but come the next day she's back at it again. I've involved everyone and anyone in hopes of getting advice or direction, but nothing has worked yet. I've explained to her the importance of her good behavior and the consequences of bad behavior. I've broken it down for her.....for example: if you misbehave you will get kicked out of daycare, mommy will lose her job, we will lose our house, we will have no money, we'll have to give our dogs away and live off of nature...I made it real drastic to see if it had an impact... NOT!!! I've sat down w/her and asked why she has so much anger, why she hurts her teachers?? I've told her we don't hurt the people we love and used reverse psychology.... "would you like it if your teachers kicked you?"... they keep giving you chances because they love you... and you hurt them.. why?? Silence is what I get w/sorry. I told her sorry doesn't cut it. I asked her "if i cut your finger off and then say I'm sorry, does that make it better? No, right? Your finger is still cut off.... then that's the same with when you hurt your teachers... you can't take it back." Any suggestions please....???
I implemented the "marble system"... that worked for a whole week.My impressions from this statement are: 1) after a week, you abandoned this approach, 2) this was one of the longest-running approaches. Consistency is key!